OK, loancall, I'm ready to confess and admit that what you think you know is true. I am indeed a subjugated women and cannot think for myself. Right now, my husband in his role as priesthood holder is sitting next to me and telling me exactly what to say. We are both naked having lathered ourselves up with consecrated oil so that God will speak to my husband who will then speak to me so I can then speak to you. Kind of like that game of gossip. We're naked so as to avoid staining our clothes and because the chair in front of this computer is not big enough, I'm actually sitting on his lap. This works out pretty well because it allows him to whisper straight into my ear what I'm supposed to say. Occasionally the sitting in the lap naked covered with consecrated oil thingie makes him a little frisky, whereupon I must go and perform my wifely duties or risk being turned away from the Celestial Kingdom. My husband being stronger than God himself can keep me out no matter how worthy I otherwise am.
Fortunately, the Mormon Church has banned webcams along with books. This divinely inspired action is so we can chat by computer with our Mormon friends and children, who are also sitting naked covered in consecrated oil, without embarressment. My husband is a godly man. Knowing I am a lesser person and unable to think for myself, he insists on consecrating me with oil every day to allow me God's protection. This is quite OK, hidden under my clothing and all. It only becomes problemmatic when I visit the doctor. Fortunately all of my doctors, having read the same books you have, are very kind and indulgent. Occasionally one forgets and phones in a script for eczema...but oh well and so be it...these words being part of my lexicon as a subjugated women.
Being both subjugated and fearful of stoning, I did remain a virgin until the day of my Temple wedding. My husband also remained virginal although I don't know what he was afraid of. Maybe sex itself, but it's not my place to ask, of course. With temple marriages, the main priest in attendance is the bride's father. Consummating the marriage in front of my father was a little icky, I admit, but I had on a big poofy wedding dress so don't think he saw much. Actually, I'm not sure I got 'porked' at all, right there on the altar of God. Neither of us knew what to do and there was a lot of net and lace in the way.
Being subjugated all my life by male priesthood holders, I was quite fearful of my wedding night and worried that my husband might smote me as a show of patriarchal authority. As it turned out, my husband was actually quite smitten instead-- so we cleaved, one to the other, with great abandon and made a lot of joyful noises unto the Lord. The consecrated oil was quite helpful, too, in that. On the fourth day, my patriarchal husband realized we were wasting our Hawaiian honeymoon by cleaving all night and sleeping all day. He wanted to see the ocean by daylight, so he smote me with a shoestring and ordered to get dressed and follow him to the beach. By then I was quite smitten myself and more than happy to comply. And, of course, I was always angling for the Celestial Kingdom.
When I reached my forties, having brought forth my required fruits of the womb, I came to my senses. My husband, being still quite smitten, was agreeable and allowed me to enter the workplace. The experience of freedom was exhilerating and I felt empowered. I had the exciting opportunity to learn all about the equal rights of women. Year after year, I got to watch lesser men get the best accounts or be promoted over me
until I finally joined a class-action suit against Merrill Lynch. It must be that all those titans of Wall Street were secretly religious? Don't know, don't care. Just took my nice settlement and went back to the subjugation and inequality in my home.
So there you have it, loancall. A confession from a genuine insider and active member of the Mormon church.
What you THINK you know about my church is so comical I could only reply with a little satire of my own.
You have, however, insulted me so much, that I feel you owe me some answers: What is your beef with me and why are you angry? Has some member of my church offended you, cheated you, or disappointed you in some way?
As for the Tanners, they have been around forever--a whole family of atheists who hate any form of religion--and they've made lots of money from their books and speeches. There are shelves of books that take them on and how their claims come mostly from truncated passages of the huge, huge body of discourses and personal journals they mine, looking for anything that might titilate the public and sell more books. Also note the dates of much of what they cite go back to the mid-1800s, early church period.
Also note my post to bentway--message 253516-- where I explain my own doubts on the history of my church and how I deal with it. If you had read this first, would you have attacked anyway? Or was your hateful urge just too much to contain.
I must say, however, the claim of consummating the marriage in the temple in front of a priest is a new one to me. If my father were alive today, he would die again from laughing. |
