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To: SJS who wrote (4164)	12/16/1997 3:38:00 PM
From: SJS	Respond to of 62552

Santa hypothesis refuted... _____________ In reference to manuscript previously distributed about the existence of Santa Claus, I must unfortunately not recommend acceptance and publication. The authors should be ashamed of their ignorance of the scientific method. On these grounds I recommend a swift rejection of the work: 1. Existing contrary observations were not addressed in the work. Every year, without fail, gifts appear in almost every Christian household. Even some agnostic and atheist households are affected. The deliverer of these gifts is never spotted, and the deed is almost always done at night. These are the basic elements of the Standard Santa Claus Model(SSCM), as presented by [1], a model so strong that no other explanations have seriously been advanced [2]. While these are also elements of the millions of nightly burglaries that happen on our planet, additional elements exist that distinguish the two classes on a case-by-case basis: a) In burglaries, items are removed from the residence, or destroyed, whereas in Santa Clause events they are delivered, often intact. b) Burglaries happen regularly throughout the year, while Santa Clause events occur on only one night each year; the time correllation of these phenomena is quite high -- better than 1-(10e-27). The probability of hundreds of millions of random events producing such a good correlation is infinitesimal. c) There is unity of circumstances worldwide, such as the prevalence of the colors red and green almost to the exclusion of all other colors. 2. Many of the authors' points are weak and ignore obvious alternative explanations. For example, all of their points assume that in this day and age Santa Claus is ignorant of recent technical advances in aeronautics, despite the uniformly high technological level of the gifts delivered [3]. 3. Finally, and most important, the authors provide no observational evidence whatsoever, and propose no experiments that might test their putative proof. Anyone can spout theoretical calculations. The good scientist must ask: what observations and experiments can I perform to verify my hypotheses? I see no proposed observations in the work presented and no acknowledgement of the existing (very large) database of positive evidence for the Standard Model. Given the above points I must strongly recommend rejection. Further, I find that failure to leave cookies and milk, as suggested by [4], is still contraindicated this year.[1] Christmas, Mary, 1922. A Link Between Spontaneous Yuletide Altruistic Phenomena and Chimney Clogging Events. J. Irrep. Res.7:129-141.[2] Day, Holly, 1930. Santa Claus: Further Evidence. U. VirginiaPress, Richmond. Although there were later suggestions that parents were involved, a closer look at those objections showed that the agents lacked motive and opportunity, and that there was no evidence for the worldwide networks needed to coordinate the large manufacturing, distribution, and delivery of gifts by hundreds ofmillions of parents without the knowledge of their children.[3] Toe, Lisa, 1992. Layout Constraints for Santa's Workshop Based ona Statistical Analysis of Holiday Gifts. Ph.D. Dissertation in homeeconomics, U. South. N. Dak., Hoople, ND.[4] Noel, Joy, 1984. The Correlation Between Lacto-Granular Offerings and Yule Gift Delivery Rates. Farm. Alm. 223:34-42.

To: SJS who wrote (4164)	12/16/1997 3:45:00 PM
From: SJS	Respond to of 62552

Final rebuttal on Santa Claus... ______________________________ The reindeer are not classified because they have not been "discovered" by the people who assign Latin names. They do exists. There are nine of them (Rudolph included). The sled is very long and is equipped with a spring down its length which compresses upon sled acceleration to cushion Santa from the resulting forces. The spring decompresses when acceleration halts and gradually pushes Santa back up to the front of the sled. The travel from front to back to front again allows Santa to travel past his entire inventory and thus grab the gifts for the next household. Much like a pre-fetch processor on the Intel Pentium. Santa and his sled team travel at approximately 1792 miles per second and are therefore invisible to the naked eye. For nine reindeer to pull so much weight so fast, they are aided by a propulsion system based on the discharge of heavy neutrinos. Using a shield with sufficient diameter to protect the entire frontal cross section of the sled system, air is deflected into Rudolph's nose. The high speed of the entering air and the resulting pressures create a temperature increase sufficient for a continuous fusion reaction (much like the sun thus providing neutrinos). This also accounts for the red glow on the outer fringes of Rudolph's nose. Some energy produced by the fusion reaction is stored in the legs of the other eight reindeer for use in accelerating the sled from a stop on each rooftop. Extra energy is dissipated through the reindeer as well as the loud jingle bells. The fusion process also produces elements of the periodic table all the way up through iron (Fe). These are stored in select areas of the sled and used for the next year's toys produced in the resource poor arctic region. On Christmas Eves when Rudolph has consumed too much garlic and Pepsi, he added forward compression of an occasional "nose-belch" is sufficient to produce the heavier, radioactive elements which are stored and later dumped on the Pentagon as Santa's gift to everyone. I think this finally closes the chapter regarding the UNDISPUTABLE PROOF that Santa is alive and well.