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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Daniel who wrote (4171)	12/17/1997 10:20:00 AM
From: taxikid	Respond to of 62567

Question.. why do people from North carolina say they ain't from the south? and are those from south dakota really southerners? taxi

To: Daniel who wrote (4171)	12/17/1997 11:50:00 AM
From: duncan moyer	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62567

When I first heard this one it was Texans who were the butt, but since then engineer works very well, here goes. We have all heard that you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink. But (put in your favorite here) can. It does however take two. One to hold the horse's head under water, the other to get on the back end and suck.

To: Daniel who wrote (4171)	12/18/1997 1:49:00 PM
From: SJS	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62567

In a recent contest, The Washington Post asked readers to dream up new elements for the Periodic Table. Among the best of the batch: ________________________________ Limbaughium Lb. The heaviest known element. It possesses an ever-expanding mass. Very white. Acidic. Emits heat but no light. Instantly polarizes all elements that come in contact with it. Repels protons and electrons; attracts only morons. Billclintium Bc. With a slick appearance and slimy texture, this element undergoes a series of interesting changes when in hot water. Canadium Eh. Similar to Americium, but a little denser. Much more rigid. Often called Boron. Innofensium Pc. Precisely equal numbers of electrons, protons, neutrons, leptons,quarks. Completely inert, utterly useless, but smells like a rose. Newtium Nw. Extreme irritant. Carries a strong negative charge. Does not possess magnetic properties. Can be purchased cheaply. Quaylium Vp. Einsteinium it ain't. Budweisium Ps. Has no taste or smell; is often indistinguishable from water. Cabmium Cb. Found in abundance, except when needed. Exists in two states, in motion and at rest. When in motion, it cannot be stopped, no matter what you do. Cabmium has a charge associated with it. The charge is variable, and scientists have not determined the formula for calculating it. Politicium Po. Contains a great deal of gas. Similar to radon in that it can reach lethal concentrations in the House. Congresium Cg. Atomic number 525. Can never be found in a solution. Has no particular usefulness. Snot Sn. Bonds forever with corduroy.