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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Mac Bean who wrote (4210)	12/19/1997 5:41:00 PM
From: JEFF CHAPMAN	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62558

Even the FAA has a sense of humor... FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE APA 167-97 December 19, 1997 Contact: Paul Takemoto Phone: 202-267-8521 Embargoed Until Dec. 20 at 6:30 p.m.--FAA APPROVES FLIGHT PLAN FOR ST. NICHOLAS WASHINGTON - St. Nicholas, also known as Santa Claus, has received Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) approval to conduct unlimited U.S. flight operations on Dec. 25. A special amendment to the open skies agreements reached between the United States and 28 foreign nations gives Santa automatic landing rights in those countries as well, with all taxes and fees waived. Santa's aircraft - a fire engine-red sleigh angled to provide the necessary lift for the expected heavy cargo, and equipped with twin runners that have remarkable aerodynamic qualities - was cleared to fly by a special on-site FAA inspection team at the North Pole. Inspectors found the sleigh to be in perfect working order - despite being approximately 16 centuries old. Technological advancements have enabled the sleigh to be equipped with state-of-the-art equipment, including an Enhanced Ground Proximity Warning System, a Traffic Alert and Collision Avoidance System (TCAS) transponder, and a Global Positioning System (GPS) receiver. The GPS receiver - with FAA enhancements -- will allow Santa to pinpoint his exact location within one meter 100 percent of the time, thus ensuring that he won't erroneously navigate to the houses of children who have been naughty, not nice. Ms. Claus, an avionics engineer by trade, was responsible for adapting the equipment to the sleigh and making sure it works properly. Ground maintenance and baggage handling will be conducted by the elves. Engine thrust, as always, will be provided by nine reindeer led by Rudolph. Rudolph's red nose, which serves as a beacon visible in inclement weather, including snow and heavy fog, has also been found to contain weather sensors capable of detecting - and allowing Santa to avoid - potentially dangerous conditions. # # # An electronic version of this news release is available via the World Wide Web at: www.faa.gov

To: Mac Bean who wrote (4210)	12/20/1997 4:02:00 PM
From: WayHaw	Respond to of 62558

A duck hunter had a great reputation for training bird dogs. Once he came upon an especially smart dog and with extra special attention was able to teach this dog some amazing skills. The most prominent was the ability to send the dog down to the lake and have him count the birds that were there and return, barking out the number. A friend, hearing of this couldn't believe it and asked to see the dog in action. The dog was sent to the lake and upon returning barked three times. The trainer and his friend walked down and sure enough there were three ducks sitting on the lake. Well, the friend thought it was coincedence and asked for another demo later that day. The dog was sent down again and returned barking six times. Upon verification six ducks were seen on the lake. The friend was amazed and insisted on purchasing the dog. The trainer didn't want to sell but his friend made an offer he couldn't refuse. A year or better went by before the two met again and naturally the topic of the dog came up. The trainer asked how he was working out whereupon the friend explained that for a while the dog was perfect, always returning with an accurate count to let the owner know if it would be worthwhile going down to the lake. But once, he explained, the dog came back shaking a stick uncontrolably, spitting it out, and then shaking the stick again. The friend explained that he couldn't make the dog stop doing this and finally decided the dog had gone mad and had to put him down. "Oh no" the trainer said sadly..."he was just telling you there were more ducks on the lake than you could shake a stick at."