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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: SmoothSail who wrote (53604)	1/23/2016 8:22:20 AM
From: unclewest	5 Recommendations Recommended By Elsewhere Gersh Avery Hoa Hao SmoothSail TechKim Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62555

I was just watching a Greensboro, NC news station. A reporter was announcing stories about the storm. Simultaneously, they had a continuous red tape with black letters running across the bottom of the screen. The messages were non-stop announcing closures and cancellations...everything from churches to every store you ever heard of. Then I saw, "Greensboro ABC stores will open at 11 AM" All I have to do is drive or hike about 6+ miles on unplowed and very icy country roads to get to the nearest store. I thought about it for a moment then went over and looked in the liquor and wine storage cabinets. I realized I have enough to last till spring. Then I laughed.

To: SmoothSail who wrote (53604)	1/24/2016 5:36:35 PM
From: Mad2	5 Recommendations Recommended By Savant Stan Stock Puppy TechKim unclewest Respond to of 62555

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers. Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Bob, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him." You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagine the pain that poor Bob must have experienced. "Bob was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Bob's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place." Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Bob. "Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Bob is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely." All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say. A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, "Hi, I'm Bob." The entire congregation held its breath. "I just want to tell my wife, the word is sternum."