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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Jodi Segal-Lankry who wrote (4293)	1/6/1998 11:31:00 PM
From: Ga Bard	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

You have the answers GaBard

To: Jodi Segal-Lankry who wrote (4293)	1/7/1998 1:41:00 AM
From: Biggie Smalls	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

DAMN!!! I got all but 3: 32 = D _ _ _ _ _ _ of F _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ at which W _ _ _ _ F _ _ _ _ _ _ 57 = H _ _ _ _ V _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 1000 = W _ _ _ _ that a P _ _ _ _ _ _ is W _ _ _ _ I'm assuming that your email address is listed under "company" in your profile? ____________________________________________ OBLIGATORY FUNNY STUFF: ____________________________________________ This is an actual essay written by a college applicant. The author, Hugh Gallagher, now attends NYU. 3A. ESSAY: IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO KNOW YOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTION: ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES YOU HAVE HAD, OR ACCOMPLISHMENTS YOU HAVE REALIZED, THAT HAVE HELPED TO DEFINE YOU AS A PERSON? I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge. I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis. But I have not yet gone to college.

To: Jodi Segal-Lankry who wrote (4293)	1/7/1998 9:07:00 AM
From: (Bob) Zumbrunnen	Respond to of 62549

My best friend wrote an add-in for a popular BBS door program, and one of the features of it was his main character, Socrates, asking the player one of those. I emailed him the list. Bet he gets every one of them. I'm also going to give it a shot, so don't post the answers quite yet, please.

To: Jodi Segal-Lankry who wrote (4293)	1/7/1998 1:50:00 PM
From: Daniel	1 Recommendation Respond to of 62549

Fun quiz, got them all except 64=s_______ on a C___________ could that be "the" instead of "a"? Never would have gotten Heinz Variaties.