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Politics : Tell a joke - anything goes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Vendit™ who wrote (356)	4/5/2018 9:54:00 AM
From: Pogeu Mahone	3 Recommendations Recommended By GROUND ZERO™ TechKim Vendit™ Respond to of 13769

Wrong-way bottle rocket destroys Key Peninsula mobile home, firefighters say BY CRAIG HILL April 05, 2018 06:30 AM A mobile home was destroyed by fire Thursday morning when a bottle rocket accidentally fired into the small travel trailer, according to the Key Peninsula Fire Department. The fire department tweeted at 3:58 a.m. that it was responding to a fully involved fire off of Key Peninsula Highway South. All residents were evacuated allowing crews to take a defensive approach to the fire. At 5:54 AM, the department tweeted that the fire was out but the trailer was a total loss. It also offered an explanation from the owner: "Homeowner reports he lit a bottle rocket set on the front door hinges, which accidentally shot into the trailer."

To: Vendit™ who wrote (356)	4/5/2018 11:46:06 AM
From: Mad2	5 Recommendations Recommended By GROUND ZERO™ RumbleFish Stock Puppy TechKim Vendit™ Respond to of 13769

In honor of some of the best standup comedians who happened to be Jewish. A car hit an elderly Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living." I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport. I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife finds me, I'm dead Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife calls it the Dead Sea . My wife was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off. The Doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months. The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen replied, "So did my arthritis!" Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!" Patient: "I AM 60!" Doctor: "See! What did I tell you?" A doctor held a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!" Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears. " Doctor: "Don't answer!" A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says, "Okay, let's get started." A man called his mother in Florida. "Mom, how are you?" "Not too good," said the mother. "I've been very weak." The son said, "Why are you so weak?" She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days." The son said, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?" The mother answered, "Because, I didn't want my mouth to be full in case you should call." A Jewish man said that when he was growing up, they always had two choices for dinner - Take it or leave it. A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his father he has a part in the play. He asks, "What part is it?" The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband." The father scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part."