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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Michael Mc Donough who wrote (4408)	1/17/1998 7:09:00 PM
From: Steve LaRiviere	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

In the beginning God created Heaven and Earth. He created blue skies, majestic mountains, blue oceans, vegetation, and all sorts of animals and fish and birds. He sat back to enjoy His handiwork. He soon noticed something was missing. He then created Adam. Once again He sat back to enjoy His handiwork and once again He noticed something was missing. He quickly figured out what it was as He watched Adam roaming in the Garden of Eden. Adam was lonely. He then appeared to Adam. "Adam, my son, I am Lord, your God, and I noticed you are lonely so I tell you what I'll do. I'll create your perfect companion. I'll call her Woman, and I'll make her beautiful beyond belief. She'll always be kind to you, always be loving. She'll happily pleasure you with sex, and bear your children without complaint. She'll feed you delicious meals and keep your home spotlessly clean. She'll hear of your troubles and offer you comfort and understanding. She'll be sharp of mind and never leave you when times are hard. She'll treat your property with respect, and never waste your money on foolish nonsense. So what do you think of this, my son?" "Well, it sounds pretty good," Adam replied, "but you must know I wasn't born yesterday. This sounds like quite a project. Exactly what will this cost me?" "You are right, my son," replied the Lord, "this is quite a project, and it will cost you an arm and a leg!" "Well," replied Adam, "what can I get for just a rib?

To: Michael Mc Donough who wrote (4408)	1/18/1998 8:20:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

A Few More Jokes Did you hear about the all lesbian carpenters union? Nothing gets nailed, everything is tongue and groove. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- At work we are taking up a collection for send Newt Gingrich on a skiing trip ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up. As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life. "Wow, this is great," he thought. It wasn't long before he came to a hedge and, after squeezing under it he saw a wonderful sight lots of other bunny rabbits, all free and nibbling at the lush grass. "Hey," he called. "I'm a rabbit from the laboratory and I've just escaped. Are you wild rabbits? "Yes. Come and join us," they cried. Our friend hopped over to them and started eating the grass. It tasted so good. "What else do you wild rabbits do?" he asked. "Well," one of them said. "You see that field there? It's got carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them." This, he couldn't resist and he spent the next hour eating the most succulent carrots. They were wonderful. Later, he asked them again, "What else do you do?" "You see that field there? It's got lettuce growing in it. We eat them as well." The lettuce tasted just as good and he returned a while later completely full. "Is there anything else you guys do?" he asked. One of the other rabbits came a bit closer to him and spoke softly. "There's one other thing you must try. You see those rabbits there," he said, pointing to the far corner of the field. "They're girls. We shag them. Go and try it." Well, our friend spent the rest of the morning screwing his little heart out until, completely knackered, he staggered back over to the guys. "That was fantastic," he panted. "So are you going to live with us then?" one of them asked. "I'm sorry, I had a great time but I can't." The wild rabbits all stared at him, a bit surprised. "Why? We thought you liked it here." "I do," our friend replied. "But I must get back to the laboratory. I'm dying for a cigarette." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Bumper Stickers I'm a corporate executive -- I keep things from happening. If Clinton is the answer, it was a stupid question. Lobotomies for Democrats: It's the law. Bad Cop! No donut! Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.