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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Mark Nelson who wrote (4420)	1/20/1998 1:49:00 PM
From: John Stella	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

A 17 year old gets hired at WalMart, the manager sets him up with an older and more experienced salesman to show him the ropes. Kid, just sit back and watch me, says the salesman. A customer walks in and the salesman greets him, Welcome to WalMart's sir, how can i help you? Well, i'd like a water hose for the garden No problem, how long 10 feet, 20 feet or 30 feet? 30 feet will be fine, says the customer How about a lawn mower, says the salesman A lawn mower? says the customer Well sure, says the salesman. Since your going to be watering your lawn, the grass will grow much faster and you"ll need to mow it more often. You're right, says the customer, give me a mower (The kid is looking at the salesman and thinking, WOW, will i ever be as good as him) (The older salesman looks at the kid and says "Son you ain't seen nothing yet.) The next customer walks and the salesman once again greets him, Welcome to WalMart's, how can i help you. I need a bag of fertilizer. No problem, how big 10 pounds, 20 pounds or 30 pounds. 30 pounds will be fine, says the customer. How about a lawnmower, says the salesman A lawn mower, says the customer Well sure, says the salesman. Since your going to be fertilizing your lawn, the grass will grow much faster and you"ll need to mow it more often. You're right, says the customer, give me a mower (The kid is standing there with his mouth wide open, he can't believe it) (The salesman says to the kid "see how easy it is, now it's your turn) The next customer walks and the kid greets him, Welcome to WalMart's, how can i help you. I need a box of sanitary napkins No problem, they come in boxes of 10, 20 or 30, which one would you like? A box of 30 will be fine, says the customer. How about a lawnmower, says the salesman A lawn mower, says the customer Well sure, says the salesman. Since your going not going to do very much over the week-end, you might as well mow the lawn.

To: Mark Nelson who wrote (4420)	1/20/1998 8:25:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

More Jokes Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It's a beautiful day and love is in the air. Marie leans over to Pierre and says: "Pierre, kiss me!" Our hero grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie's lips. "What are you doing, Pierre?", says the startled Marie. "I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I like to have red wine!" She smiles and they start kissing. When things began to heat up a little, Marie says, "Pierre, kiss me lower." Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and starts pouring it all over her chest. Pierre! What are you doing?, asks the bewildered Marie. "I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I like to have white wine!" They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up. Marieleans close to his ear and whispers, "Pierre, kiss me lower!" Our hero rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in her lap. He strikes a match and lights the Cognac on fire. Marie shrieks and dives into the river. Standing waist deep, Marie throws her arms upwards and screams furiously, "PIERRE, WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?" Our hero stands up, defiantly, and says, "I am Pierre the fighter pilot! And when I go down, I go down in flames!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "There are good days and there are bad days, and this is one of them." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A friend of mine, who stuttered rather badly, went to a specialist and after ten difficult weeks was able to say quite distinctly: "Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers." I congratulated him on his achievement. Frowning, he replied doubtfully, "B-b-but it's s-s-such a d-difficult remark to w-w-w-work into a c-c-conversation." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Any married man should forget his mistakes - no use for two people to remember the same thing. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- One night Ricky Landon, Travis Fillmore, and Harold Anthony went camping. On the way to the campsite, they lost their pajamas in a creek.That night they slept naked in one tent. Ricky slept in the middle with Travis and Harold on both sides. The next morning, when Travis and Harold woke up, they both found that they had had the same dream about a beautiful woman jacking them off. Then Ricky awoke and said,"Man, I drempt I went skiing!"