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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Vanni Resta who wrote (130)	1/20/1998 11:12:00 AM
From: Ross	Respond to of 2733

I agree..

To: Vanni Resta who wrote (130)	1/20/1998 11:13:00 AM
From: Ross	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

A guy is driving along the freeway in Los Angeles, and as he reaches downtown, he finds himself in the middle of a massive traffic jam that is blocking up five different freeways and sending lines of cars back for miles in all directions. After a while, he notices a guy walking from car to car down the freeway, stopping and talking to people through their car windows. When the guy reaches him he rolls down his window and says, "Hey! What's causing all this delay?" The guy on the freeways says, "Well, you're not going to believe this, but OJ Simpson has sat down in the middle of the freeway intersection up there, and he's totally distraught, and he says there's no way he can ever pay the $35 million he owes the Goldmans and the Browns, and so he's threatened to douse himself in gasoline and light himself on fire if people don't give enough money sufficient to cover the cost of the judgment. So I've taken up a collection to try to end the traffic jam." "How much have you gotten so far." "About ten gallons."

To: Vanni Resta who wrote (130)	1/24/1998 3:04:00 PM
From: Richard H.	Respond to of 2733

Hi Vanni, "I met a new girl at a barbecue, very pretty, a blond I think. I don't know, her hair was on fire, and all she talked about was herself. You know these kind of girls: 'I'm hot. I'm on fire. Me, me, me.' You know. 'Help me, put me out.' Come on, could we talk about me just a little bit?" Richard.

To: Vanni Resta who wrote (130)	2/11/1998 3:30:00 PM
From: Ross	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

THINGS YOU HAVE TO KNOW 1. A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why. 2. The "save" icon on Microsoft Word shows a floppy disk, with the shutter on backwards. 3. The combination "ough" can be pronounced in nine different ways. The following sentence contains them all: "A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed." 4. The verb "cleave" is the only English word with two synonyms which are antonyms of each other: adhere and separate. 5. The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable. 6. Facetious and abstemious contain all the vowels in the correct order, as does arsenious, meaning "containing arsenic." 7. Emus and kangaroos cannot walk backwards, and are on the Australian coat of arms for that reason. 8. Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten. 9. The word "Checkmate" in chess comes from the Persian phrase "Shah Mat," which means "the king is dead". 10. Pinocchio is Italian for "pine head." 11. Camel's milk does not curdle. 12. In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere. 13. An animal epidemic is called an epizootic. 14. Murphy's Oil Soap is the chemical most commonly used to clean elephants. 15. The United States has never lost a war in which mules were used. 16. Blueberry Jelly Bellies were created especially for Ronald Reagan. 17. All porcupines float in water. 18. Hang On Sloopy is the official rock song of Ohio. 19. Lorne Greene had one of his nipples bitten off by an alligator while he was host of "Lorne Greene's Wild Kingdom." 20. Cat's urine glows under a blacklight. 21. If you take a raccoon's head to the Henniker, New Hampshire town hall, you are entitled to receive $10.00 from the town. 22. The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days of yore when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases. 23. Non-dairy creamer is flammable. 24. The airplane Buddy Holly died in was the "American Pie." ( Thus the name of the Don McLean song. ) 25. Texas is also the only state that is allowed to fly its state flag at the same height as the U.S. flag. 26. The only nation who's name begins with an "A", but doesn't end in an "A" is Afghanistan. 27. When opossums are playing 'possum, they are not "playing." They actually pass out from sheer terror. 28. The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building.