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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Proud_Infidel who wrote (4428)	1/20/1998 9:25:00 PM
From: JEFF CHAPMAN	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

Turkey innards, anyone? :) >>There was an old married couple that had happily lived together for >>nearly forty years. The only friction in their marriage was caused by >>the husband's habit of breaking wind nearly every morning as he awoke. >> >>The noise would always wake up his wife and the smell would cause her >>eyes to water as she would choke and gasp for air. Nearly every >>morning she would plead with him to stop ripping one in the morning. >>He told her that the couldn't help it. She begged him to see a doctor >>to see if anything could be done but the husband wouldn't hear of it. >>He told her that it was just a natural bodily function and then he >>would laugh in her face as she tried to wave the fumes away with her >>hands. She told him that there was nothing natural about it and if he >>didn't stop, he was one day going to "fart his guts out". >> >>The years went by and the wife continued to suffer and the husband >>continued to ignore her warnings about "farting his guts out" until >>one Christmas morning. Before dawn, the wife went downstairs to >>prepare the family feast. She fixed Christmas pudding, mashed >>potatoes, gravy and of course a turkey. While she was taking out the >>turkey's innards, a thought occurred to the wife as to how she might >>solve her husband's problem. With a devilish grin on her face, she >>placed the turkey guts into a bowl and quietly walked upstairs hours >>before her flatulent husband would awake. >> >>While he was still soundly asleep, she pulled back the covers and then >>gently pulled back her husband's jockey shorts. She then placed all >>of the turkey guts into her husband's underwear, pulled them up, >>replaced the covers and tiptoed back downstairs to finish preparing >>the family meal. >> >>Several hours later she heard her husband awake with his normal loud >>ass trumpeting. This was soon followed by a blood curdling scream and >>the sound of frantic footsteps as her husband ran to the upstairs >>bathroom. >> >>The wife could not control herself and her eyes began to tear up as >>she rolled on the floor laughing. After years of putting up with him >>she had finally gotten even. >> >>About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood >>stained underpants with a look of horror in his eyes. She bit her lip >>to keep from laughing and she asked him what was the matter. He said, >>"honey, you were right - all those years you warned me and I didn't >>listen to you". >> >>"What do you mean?" asked his wife. "Well you always told me that I >>would end up farting my guts out one of these days and today it >>finally happened. >> >>But by the grace of God and these two fingers, I think I got 'em all >>back in."