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Pastimes : Let's Talk About Our Feelings!!! -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Jacques Chitte who wrote (16092)	1/21/1998 3:50:00 PM
From: Grainne	Respond to of 108807

Of course bad behavior in the grocery store, and tantrums in general, need to be handled firmly. Children need to know that their parents are in charge, and are actually scared and insecure if they are not. I am the parent of a child who had exactly one tantrum, because it got her nothing she wanted. The behavior was simply never repeated, and I said 'no' to her most of the time in stores, because children do not need to taught to reach for impulse purchases and junky candy and cheap toys. I accomplished this without ever spanking her, incidentally. Children need to know what the limits are on their behavior. However, I think we are talking about two different issues. The desire for an animal to love and cuddle is incredibly strong. If you disappoint her with just a 'no', when there is a perfectly rational explanation that is easily understood even by a toddler, it seems just mean-spirited. You might want to think about the possibility that she may grow up to be the kind of child who ends up rebelling against authority, because that is an authoritarian way of dealing with the problem. Children like this tend to obey the rules when they have to, but break them when no one is looking, and aren't very spirited or free-thinking. It doesn't seem like you, Alex, but I know there is a cultural difference at work here also. What does momma think about this stuff? If she is a big sweetie, she might have different opinions. One of the really messy things in child rearing is when the parents have really different parenting styles. But I suspect when you see just how smart and sensitive Helen is, you will maybe relax a lot, and maybe even explain why she cannot have a puppy. All these things are totally theoretical, since what you think now and what will happen when she becomes real to you may be entirely different. Even though rationally you KNOW you will be coming home from the hospital with a baby, she cannot become truly real until she is there and starts expressing her wonderfully unique personality,and that happens right away!!