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Technology Stocks : Ascend Communications (ASND) -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Captain James T. Kirk who wrote (31852)	1/23/1998 1:05:00 PM
From: Gary Korn	Read Replies (4) \| Respond to of 61433

Dan Quayle, Newt Gingrich and Bill Clinton are in a limousine together. Suddenly, a tornado wisks them away to the land of Oz. When they arrive, they all have a chance to ask the Wizard for something. Dan Quayle asks: Could I have a brain? Newt Gingrich asks: Could I have a heart? Bill Clinton asks: Hey, where's Dorothy? Gary Korn P.S. Kirk, I missed WSTL. Should have listened.

To: Captain James T. Kirk who wrote (31852)	1/23/1998 1:11:00 PM
From: Gary Korn	Read Replies (3) \| Respond to of 61433

The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EurEnglish (Eurin for short). In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c" Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be replaced with "k. Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like"fotograf" 20 per sent shorter. In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go. By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such a replasing "th" by "z" and "W" by "V". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru.