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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Thomas Scharf who wrote (4638)	5/27/1998 8:46:00 PM
From: Robert Northington	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

Why we are the way we are and other questions answered here. It's a testosterone thing. Much similar to your PMS thing, we men > suffer > from testosterone poisoning. Why do you think the average lifespan of > a > male is typically 10 years shorter (and it's not just from all the > bitching > and nagging we have to endure)? Hormone modifies behavior. We're just > misunderstood. > ------------------------------------------------------ > Why do men always have to ogle at other women? > > Again, this is a testosterone thing. Do you honestly think that all > the > testosterone just fell out of our bodies the moment we met you? > Besides, > women do it as well. Women are just much better at not getting caught. > I'm > fairly certain it's some sort of photographic memory deal. Women take > one > quick look and memorize it for later reference. Since men lack this > ability, we tryto burn it into our memory by staring as much as we > can. > ------------------------------------------------------ > Why do men always touch themselves, especially in public? > > We occasionally need to adjust our little friend and make him happy. > It's > much like adjusting your bra. Being in public is just an added bonus. > ------------------------------------------------------ > Why do men always say such stupid things? > > We like to. It's actually a whole lot of fun to see our partner > frustrated > by a few simple (and well chosen) words. > ------------------------------------------------------ > Why are men so uncommunicative? > > You'd learn to keep your big mouth shut too if every time you open it > you > get into trouble with your partner. > ------------------------------------------------------ > Why do men have to act like such retards? > > Well, we don't actually have to; we do it because we enjoy it. It's > the > old fashioned pride in a job well done that's missing in so much of > the > world nowadays. > ------------------------------------------------------ > Why can't men just share their feelings? > > Do we look like women to you? Why is it so hard to understand that men > and > women are different? How are we supposed to share how we feel when we > have > no idea how we feel? Unless we're experiencing some extreme emotion > like > rage, hatred, disgust, or a brick on our foot, we have no idea how we > feel. > Personally, I get a headache whenever I try to figure out how I feel. > ------------------------------------------------------ > Why can't men cuddle more (i.e. lie down and hug)? > > Please... How many hours do you think there is in a day? We oblige you > as > much as we can, but who the heck (besides women) can stand lying > around for > hours on end? We men... Men hunters... Need go roam... Starve in > cave...Must go find wildebeest... Now sitting on our butts for hours > on end > on the other hand is a whole other story. > ------------------------------------------------------ > How can men sit on their butts all day without moving? > > Men have very powerful sets of sitting muscles developed by evolution > that > enable us to sit for extended periods of time without getting tired. > In > prehistoric times, it was often necessary to sit in one spot for > extended > periods of time while hunting for prey. The more successful hunters > were > able to sit very still for very extended periods of time thereby > passing on > this ability to their progeny. The figgidy types were all gobbled up > by > saber toothed tigers etcetera. The end result is that almost all > modern men > are born with this innate ability. > ------------------------------------------------------ > Why can't men just say "I love you?" > > Men are taught from a tender young age to be self-sufficient. To say > that > we love you is equivalent to saying that we need you. Most men > consider > that a character fault. It's not easy to admit to one's own character > faults. > ----------------------------------------------------- > Why doesn't my partner ever answer me? > > We just simply don't have the energy to answer every single one of > your > questions. If we think we do not have the answer, or that you will not > like > the answer, we simply remain quiet and save the energy for other > things. > ------------------------------------------------------ > Why won't men ever pick up after themselves? > > Why should we? It doesn't really bother us that much. Besides, we know > darn > well you'll pick it up. > ------------------------------------------------------ > What's with all the belching and farting? > > This usually only occurs after months of courting. It's our way to let > you know that we're comfortable with you. Believe it or not, it's > actually > a sign of affection. Besides, holding it for extended periods of time > gives > us stomach cramps. > ------------------------------------------------------ > Why do men hate shopping? > > It's an evolutionary thing. Men hunt. Women gather. We just want to go > out, > kill it, and bring it back. Who wants to spend hours and hours to look > at > things we have no intention of killing? err... Buying? > ------------------------------------------------------ > Why can't men ever leave the toilet seat down? > > Have you ever seen one of us pee? The proper position of the toilet > seat is > up. Mathematically speaking, the proper position of the toilet seat is > a > function of the time spent peeing over the time spent sitting. The > closer > that ratio approaches one, the truer the proposition. Besides, it's > actually a courtesy that we lift the seat. Why would we care if we pee > all > over the seat. You're the ones that have to sit on it. You should > appreciate the fact that we actually lift the darn thing. We aim to > please. > ------------------------------------------------------ > Why do men act like they own the remote control? > > What do you mean act? We do; possession is nine tenths of the law. > Besides, it is an awesome responsibility not to be entrusted to just > anyone. I believe the only fair way to decide who gets the remote > control is to arm wrestle for it. > ------------------------------------------------------ > Why can't men stay on a single channel for more than two seconds? > > Are you kidding? What if there is something good on the next channel? > We > could miss it if we stay on one channel for too long. (See also: Why > do men > fear commitment?) > ------------------------------------------------------ > Why do men fear commitment? > > Don't be so surprised. Yes; most of us do know what 'commitment' means > and > can spell it correctly. It's like an automobile. No matter how good > you > think this year's model is, they're always coming out with newer, > faster, > better, sleeker, and sexier models. We simply cannot be expected to > purchase the first one we see. We must browse around a bit and test > drive a > few. Who wants to end up with a lemon? At least with a car, there's a > slight chance of it eventually becoming a classic. It simply makes > much > more sense to lease and upgrade to the younger... err... I mean newer > models every couple of years. Some of them come with fun extras like > dual > air bags. > ------------------------------------------------------ > What does it mean when men say, "Can we just be friends?" > > Generally, it means that the recipient of said comment is physically > repulsive enough that no beer goggles may be thick enough to provide > adequate protection. > ------------------------------------------------------ > Why are men so obsessed with beautiful women? > > As opposed to what? Really ugly women? Face it, if men were obsessed > with > ugly women, there would be just as much complaining about why men are > so > obsessed with ugly women. No matter how you set this up, some people > are > always going to be left out. I don't see anyone screaming about equal > treatment for the stupid people either. > ------------------------------------------------------ > Why do men like younger women? > > Well, let's see. Besides the fact that they like older men, they're > easily impressed. They're also perky, energetic, and come with very > little > baggage. And gravity has less prevail over their bodies. > ------------------------------------------------------ > Why do men only have one thing on their minds? > > While technically correct, this statement is not strictly true. We may > only > be able to entertain one idea at a time, but we do think of lots of > other > things besides sex, such as sports and beer. We also get hungry quite > often. > ------------------------------------------------------ > How can men possibly find that other woman attractive (i.e. whatever > do you > see in that fat pig)? > > Even if you happen to be Cindy Crawford, once we get the idea that you > are > ours, other women suddenly become much more attractive and you lose a > few > attractiveness points. I'm a bit puzzled by this one myself. I think > evolution is to blame. We men are just innocent bystanders in the war > of > the selfish genes. You should love us despite our inherent weakness. > >