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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Nazbuster who wrote (4663)	2/11/1998 3:19:00 PM
From: ken whited	Respond to of 62550

A huge Rambo-like fellow, arms like tree trunks entered a quiet local bar one nite. From the expression on his face, it was obvious he was just looking for trouble. He saunters up to the bar, orders a double, downs it and said to the men seated on his right. "You all look like no-good S.O.B's to me. Not worth the powder to blow up." No one moved or even glanced at the tuff, so he ordered another double, drank it straight down. Turning to his left, he said, "And you men over there look like limp-wristed no-good gays to me." At this, an average sized fellow gets up and starts walking towards the giant. "Hey twerp!" said the tuff guy, "You got a problem with anything I said ?" "Uh... no sir," said the patron meekly, "It's just that I was sitting on the wrong side of the bar."

To: Nazbuster who wrote (4663)	2/11/1998 3:53:00 PM
From: ken whited	Respond to of 62550

What's the definition of an accountant? Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand. What's the definition of a good tax accountant? Someone who has a loophole named after him. What's an auditor? Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded. Why did the auditor cross the road? Because he looked in the file and that's what they did last year. There are three kinds of accountants in the world. Those who can count and those who can't. An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night." "Have you tried counting sheep?" "That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it." there once was an economist named Wayne, who's fringe theories were considered insane, with the markets in recession, his life was an obsession, to prove that a loss was a gain. Q. What's the difference between the short and long income tax forms? A. If you use the short form, the government gets your money. If you use the long form, the accountant gets your money. A lawyer and an accountant are fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer says, "I had a terrible fire; lost everything. Now the insurance company is paying for everything and that's why I'm here." The accountant says, "What a coincidence. I had a terrible flood; lost everything. Now the insurance company is paying for everything and that's why I'm here." The lawyer turned to him with confusion and says, "How do you start a flood?" An accountant dies and goes to Heaven. As he is met by St Peter, he starts whining that at 37, he's much too young to die. St. Peter replies "That's impossible! According to your time sheets you must be at least 97! "