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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Jim Lurgio who wrote (4672)	2/12/1998 12:51:00 PM
From: lml	Respond to of 62565

. . . so that guy sent that picture of Monica & the Prez to Monica's mother? No wonder she's in tears.

To: Jim Lurgio who wrote (4672)	2/12/1998 3:35:00 PM
From: eugene salazar	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62565

jim jim...jimbo...jimbulrulsky...man you left me speechless... lol ;^) eugene

To: Jim Lurgio who wrote (4672)	2/12/1998 5:38:00 PM
From: Wanderer	Respond to of 62565

A man and woman are riding next to each other in first class. The man sneezes, pulls out his "privates" and wipes the tip off. The woman can't believe what she just saw and decides she is hallucinating. A few minutes pass. The man sneezes again. He pulls himself out again and wipes the tip off. The woman is about to go nuts. She can't believe that such a rude person exists. A few minutes pass. The man sneezes yet again. He takes it out and wipes the tip off. The woman has finally had enough. She turns to the man and says, "three times you've sneezed, and three times you've removed your penis from your pants to wipe it off! What the hell kind of degenerate are you?" The man replies, "I am sorry to have disturbed you, ma'am. I have a very rare condition such that when I sneeze, I have an orgasm". More understanding now, the woman then says, "Oh, how strange. What are you taking for it?" The man looks at her and says, "Pepper."

To: Jim Lurgio who wrote (4672)	2/13/1998 12:11:00 AM
From: bob	Respond to of 62565

<< THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO "HUMMMMMM" Did you ever just wonder... Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it? Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak? If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be? Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead? Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do orientals throw hamburgers? Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together? Why do people without a watch look at their wrist when you ask them what time it is? Why do you ask someone without a watch what time it is? The light went out, but where to? Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have? Does the reverse side also have a reverse side? If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into? If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money? Why is a carrot more orange than an orange? When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss?? It sounds like a near hit to me!! Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosylabic"? Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors? Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new? When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go? Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not adoor? Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it. Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons? Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"? Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent? Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate? Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer ? I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working? Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse? Sooner or later, doesn't EVERYONE stop smoking? Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut? War doesn't determine who's right, just who's left.