Well Christine,
If you are looking for somthing to laugh about here are some stories that aught to bring a grin to you face. You may have read these already, if so I am sorry they couldn't be of any use to you. I just read them and they are great, in a morbid sort of way.
Sorry for the format:
1997 Darwin Awards
>
> THE DARWIN AWARDS
> The Darwin Award is made each year to the person who has managed to kill themselves (and therefore prevent the survival of their genes - hence Darwin) in the most bizarre way imaginable. Previous winners have included the man killed when the vending machine he was trying to
extract a can of Coke from fell on him, and last years aviator who
strapped a JATO module to his car and ran into a mountain at 300 miles
an hour. (Jim Huntsberry's personal favorite)
> NOMINATIONS
>
> #1 - [AP, Mammoth Lakes, CA] A San Anselmo man died yesterday when he hit a lift tower at the Mammoth mountain ski area while riding down the slope on a foam pad, authorities said. David Hubal, 22, was
> pronounced dead at Centinela Mammoth Hospital. The accident occurred about 3
> a.m., the Mono County Sheriff's Department said. Hubal and his friends apparently had hiked up a ski run called Stump Alley and undid some yellow foam protectors from the lift towers, said Lieutenant Mike
> Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police Department. The pads are used to protect skiers who might hit the towers. The group apparently used the pads to slide down the ski slope and Hubal crashed into a tower. It
> has since been investigated that the tower he hit was the one with
> its pad removed.
>
> #2 - [AP, St. Louis, MO] Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being
> disorderly in a St. Louis market. When the clerk threatened to call
> police, Puelo grabbed a hot dog, shoved it in his mouth, and walked
> out without paying for it. Police found him unconscious in front of
> the store; paramedics removed the six-inch wiener from his throat,
> where it had choked him to death.
>
> #3 - [UPI, Spain] To poacher Marino Malerba, who shot a stag
> standing above him on an overhanging rock-and was killed instantly when
> it
> fell on him.
>
> #4 - [Associated Press, Kincaid, W. VA] A man at a party popped a
> blasting cap into his mouth and bit down, triggering an explosion that
> blew off his lips, teeth and tongue, state police said Wednesday. Jerry
> Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting cap as a prank during a
> party late Tuesday night, said Cpl. M.D. Payne. "Another man had it in
> an aquarium, hooked to a battery, and was trying to explode it,"
> Payne said. "It wouldn't go off and this guy said, "I'll show you how
> to set it off." "He put it in his mouth and bit down. It blew all his
> teeth off, his tongue and his lips," Payne said. Stromyer was listed in
> guarded condition Wednesday with extensive facial injuries, according
> to a spokesman at Charleston Area Medical Division. "I just can't imagine
> anyone doing something like that," Payne said.
>
> # 5 - [UPI, Portland, OR] Doctors at Portland's University Hospital
> said Wednesday an Oregon man shot through the skull by a hunting arrow
> is lucky to be alive, and will be released soon from the hospital.
> Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right eye last weekend during an initiation
> into a men's rafting club, Mountain Men Anonymous, in Grants Pass,
> Ore. A friend tried to shoot a beer can off his head, but the arrow
> entered Roberts' right eye. Doctors said had the arrow gone 1 millimeter
> to the
> left, a major blood vessel would have cut and Roberts would have died
> instantly. Neurosurgeon Dr. Johnny Delashaw at the University Hospital
> in Portland said the arrow went through 8 to 10 inches of brain,
> with the tip protruding at the rear of his skill, yet somehow managed
> to miss all major blood vessels. Delashaw also said had Robert tried
> to pull the arrow out on his own he surely would have killed himself.
> Roberts
> admitted afterwards that he and his friends had been drinking that
> afternoon. Said Roberts, "I feel so dumb about this." No charges have
> been filed but the Josephine County district attorney's office said
> the initiation stunt is under investigation.
>
> #6 - [AP, Arkansas] A woman named Linda went to Arkansas last week to
> visit her in-laws, and while there, went to a store. She parked next
> to a car with a woman sitting in it, her eyes closed and hands
> behind her head, apparently sleeping. When Linda came out a while later,
> she
> again saw the woman, her hands still behind her head but with her eyes
> open. The woman looked very strange, so Linda tapped on the window and
> said, "Are you okay?" The woman answered "I've been shot in the head,
> and I am holding my brains in. " Linda didn't know what to do; so she
> ran into the store where store officials called the paramedics. They had
> to break into the car because the door was locked. When they got in,
> they found that the woman had bread dough on the back of her head and in
> her hands. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded, apparently from
> the heat in the car, making a loud explosion like that of a gunshot,
> and hit her in the head. When she reached back to find what it was,
> she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She passed out from
> fright
> at first, then attempted to hold her brains in!
>
> #7 - From a radio program, a true report of a happening in
> Michigan, USA. A guy buys brand new Jeep Grand Cherokee for $30,000 and
> has
> $400+ monthly payments. He and a friend go duck hunting and of course
> all the lakes are frozen. These two Atomic Brains go to the lake with the
> guns, the dog, the beer, and of course the new vehicle. They drive out
> onto the lake ice and get ready. Now, they want to make some kind of a
> natural landing area for the ducks, something for the decoys to float
> on. In order to make a hole large enough to look like something a
> wandering duck would fly down and land on, it is going to take a
> little more effort than an ice hole drill. Out of the back of the new
> Grand Cherokee comes a stick of dynamite with a short, 40-second fuse.
> Now these two Rocket Scientists do take into consideration that if
> they place the stick of dynamite on the ice at a location far from
> where they are standing (and the new Grand Cherokee), they take the risk
> of slipping on the ice when they run from the burning fuse and
> possibly go up in smoke with the resulting blast. So, they decide to
> light
> this 40-second fuse and throw the dynamite. Remember a couple of
> paragraphs back when I mentioned the vehicle, the beer, the guns and the
> dog? Yes, the dog: A highly trained Black Lab used for retrieving,
> especially things thrown by the owner. You guessed it, the dog takes off
> at
> a high rate of doggy speed on the ice and captures the stick of dynamite
> with the burning 40-second fuse about the time it hits the ice. The
> two men yell, scream, wave arms, and wonder what to do now. The dog,
> cheered on, keeps coming. One of the guys grabs the shotgun and shoots
> the dog. The shotgun is loaded with 8 duck shot, hardly big enough to
> stop a Black Lab. The dog stops for a moment, slightly confused but
> continues on. Another shot and this time the dog, still standing, becomes
> really confused and of course scared, thinking these two Nobel Prize
> winners have gone insane. He takes off to find cover, (with the now
> really short fuse burning on the stick of dynamite) under the brand new
> Cherokee. BOOM! Dog and Cherokee are blown to bits and sink to the
> bottom
> of the lake in a very large hole, leaving the two candidates for
> Co-leaders of the Known Universe standing there with this "I can't
> believe this
> happened" look on their faces. The insurance company says that sinking
> a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives is not covered. He
> had yet to make the first of those $400+ a month payments.
>
> AND THE WINNER IS :
>
> John Pernicky and friend Sal Hawkins, of the great state of Washington,
> decided to attend a local Metallica concert at the Amphitheater at
> Gorge, Washington. Having no tickets (but 18 beers among them)
> they sat in the parking lot, and after finishing the beer, decided that
> it
> would be easy enough to hop over the nine-foot high fence and sneak
> into the show. The two friends pulled their pickup truck over to the
> fence
> and the plan was for John--100 pounds heavier than Sal--to hop over,
> and then assist his friend over the fence. Unfortunately for John,
> there was a 30 foot drop on the other side of the fence. Having heaved
> himself over, he found himself crashing through a tree. His fall was
> abruptly halted by a large branch that snagged him by his shorts.
> Dangling from the tree, with one arm broken, John looked down and
> saw a group of bushes below him. Figuring the bushes would break his
> fall, John removed his pocket knife and proceeded to cut away his
> shorts to free himself from the tree. When finally free, John crashed
> below
> into Holly bushes. The sharp leaves scratched his entire body and now
> being without his shorts, he was the unwilling victim of a holly branch
> penetrating his rectal cavity. To make matters worse, his
> pocketknife proceeded to fall with him and landed three inches into his
> left
> thigh. Seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony, Sal decided to
> throw him a rope and pull him to safety. However, weighing about 100
> pounds less, he decided the best course of action would be to tie the
> rope to the pickup truck. This is when things went from bad to worse. In
> his drunken state, Sal put the truck into the wrong gear, pressed on
> the gas, and crashed through the fence, landing on and killing his
> friend. Sal was thrown from the truck, suffered massive internal
> injuries
> and also died at the scene. Police arrived to find a pickup truck
> with its driver thrown 100 feet from the vehicle and upon moving the
> truck, a half naked man, with numerous scratches, a holly stick up his
> rectum, a knife in his thigh, and a pair of shorts dangling from the tree
> branches 25 feet in the air.
> |
