To: Marshall who wrote (27916 ) 2/17/1998 10:22:00 PM From: Marshall Read Replies (1) | Respond to
A man walks into an office.Good morning, I'd like to have an argument, please. Certainly, sir. Have you been here before? No, this is my first time. Fine. Well let's see who's free at the moment... Mr. DeBakey's free, but he's a little bit concilliatory. Why not try Mr. Barnhart in room 12? Thank you. He enters room 12. WHADDAYOU WANT? Well... I was told outside that... DON'T GIVE ME THAT, YOU SNOTTY-FACED HEAP OF PARROT DROPPINGS! What? SHUT YOUR FESTERING GOB, YOU TIT! YOUR TYPE REALLY MAKES ME PUKE! YOU VACUOUS COFFEE-NOSED MALODOROUS PERVERT!!! Yes, but I came here for an argument!! OH! Oh! I'm sorry, but this is abuse! Oh! Oh I see! Aha! You'll want room 12A, just along the corridor. Oh... So sorry... Not at all! stupid git. Is this the right room for an argument? I've told you once. No you haven't! Yes I have. When? Just now. No you didn't! Yes I did! You didn't! I did! You didn't! I'm telling you, I did! You didn't! Oh I'm sorry, is this a five minute argument, or the full half hour? Ah! (taking out his wallet and paying) Just the five minutes. Just the five minutes. Thank you. Anyway, I did. You most certainly did not! Now let's get one thing perfectly clear; I most definitely told you! Oh no you didn't! Oh yes I did! Oh no you didn't! Oh yes I did! Oh no you didn't! Oh yes I did! Oh no you didn't! Oh yes I did! Oh no you didn't! Oh yes I did! Oh no you didn't!/ Oh yes I did! Look, this isn't an argument! Yes it is! No it isn't! It's just contradiction! No it isn't! It IS! It is NOT! You just contradicted me! No I didn't! You DID! No no no! You did just then! Nonsense! Oh, this is futile!! (pause) No it isn't! Yes it is! I came here for a good argument! AH, no you didn't, you came here for an *argument*! An argument isn't just contradiction. Well! it CAN be! No it can't! An argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a proposition. No it isn't! Yes it is! 'tisn't just contradiction. Look, if I *argue* with you, I must take up a contrary position! Yes, but that isn't just saying "no it isn't". Yes it is! No it isn't! Yes it is! No it isn't! Yes it is! No it ISN'T! Argument is an intellectual process. Contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of any statement the other person makes. It is NOT! It is! Not at all! It is! The Arguer (Other man) hits a bell on his desk and stops. Thank you, that's it. What? That's it. Good morning. But I was just getting interested! I'm sorry, the five minutes is up. That was never five minutes!! I'm afraid it was. No it wasn't..... (pause)I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to argue any more. WHAT?? If you want me to go on arguing, But that was never five minutes just now! Oh Come on! Oh this is... This is ridiculous! I told you... I told you, I'm not allowed to argue unless you've PAID! Oh all right. (takes out his wallet and pays again.) There you are. Thank you. Well... Well WHAT? That was never five minutes just now. I told you, I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid! Well I just paid! No you didn't! I DID!!! YOU didn't! I DID!!! YOU didn't! I DID!!! YOU didn't! I DID!!! YOU didn't! I don't want to argue about that! Well you didn't pay! Ah HAH!! Well if I didn't pay... why are you arguing??? No you haven't! Yes I have! If you're arguing, I must have paid. Not necessarily. I *could* be arguing in my spare time.
