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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: bob who wrote (4710)	2/19/1998 4:17:00 AM
From: Anthony Graham Poyser	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

Great stuff, Bob. Some more..... Tommy Cooper, a legend of British comedy ... > > > > Cooperisms .... > > > > > >"He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser > >legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the > >books." > > > > > >"And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people > >were chucking money to him. I said 'Do you earn a living doing that?' > >He said 'Yes, this is my livelihood.' > > > >"So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you > >give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your > >oyster, go for it.'" > > > >"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. > >They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' > >So that was nice." > > > >"So I went down my local ice-cream shop, and said 'I want to buy > >an ice-cream'. He said Hundreds & thousands?' I said 'We'll start > >with one.' He said 'Knickerbocker glory?' I said 'I do get a > >certain amount of freedom in these trousers, yes.' > > > >I went to Millets and said 'I want to buy a tent.' He said 'To > > camp?', > > I said [butchly] 'Sorry, I want to buy a tent.' I said 'I also > >want to buy a caravan.' He said 'Camper?' I said [campily] 'Make > >your mind up.' > > > > So I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah." I said "Why?" He > >said > >"My dog's died.'" > > > >"Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I > >was in went back and forwards. I thought 'This is unusual'. And the > > dentist said to me 'Mr Cooper, get out of the filing cabinet.'" > > > > "So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and > >said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'" > > > >"So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local > > swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'" > > > >"So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside > >my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.' > > > > "Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are > >5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my > >mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother > >Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin." > > > >"So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, > > and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang > >up a second time and said "You've been promoted again.' And I swerved > > again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing > >director.' > >And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What > >happened to you?' And I said 'I careered off the road.' > > --IMA.Boundary.710137788--