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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Biggie Smalls who wrote (4782)	2/27/1998 8:37:00 AM
From: Lighthouse	Respond to of 62549

Do not know if this has been posted . . . but: You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.-Frank Zappa Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.-Ernest Hemingway Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.-Winston Churchill He was a wise man who invented beer.-Plato Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.-Catherine Zandonella A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.-W.C. Fields Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink. -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill. Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.-His reply If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.-David Daye Work is the curse of the drinking class.-Oscar Wilde When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.-Henny Youngman Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.-Benjamin Franklin If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.-Deep Thought, Jack Handy Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.-Dave Barry The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. -Humphrey Bogart Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine. -David Moulton People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot.-Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. -Kaiser Welhelm I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer. -Homer Simpson Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.-Dave Barry I drink to make other people interesting.-George Jean Nathan They who drink beer will think beer.-Washington Irving An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.-For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemmingway You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.-Dean Martin All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.-Homer Simpson