The Hairdresser
Four guys are telling stories in a bar. One guy leaves for a bathroom
break. Three guys are left.....
First guy says, "I was worried that my son was gonna be a loser
because he started out washing cars for a local dealership. Turns out
that he got a break, they made him a salesman, and he sold so many
cars that he bought the dealership. In fact, he's so successful that
he just gave his best friend a new Mercedes for his birthday."
Second guy says, "I was worried about my son too because he started
out raking leaves for a Realtor. Turns out HE got a break, they made
him a commissioned salesman, and he eventually bought the real estate
firm. In fact, He's so successful that he just gave his best friend a
new house for his birthday." Third guy says, "Yeah, I hear you. MY son
started out sweeping floors in a brokerage firm. Well, HE got a break,
they made HIM a broker, and now he owns the brokerage firm. In fact,
he's so rich that he just gave HIS best friend $1 million in stock for
his birthday." Fourth guy comes back from the can. The first 3 explain
that they are telling stories about their kids so he says, "Well, I'm
embarrassed to admit that my son is a MAJOR disappointment. He started
out as a hairdresser and is STILL a hairdresser after 15 years. In
fact I just found out that he's gay and has SEVERAL boyfriends. But, I
try to look at the bright side: his boyfriends just bought him a new
Mercedes, a new house and $1 million in stock for his birthday."
The Genie
Two friends were playing golf when one pulled out a cigar but he
didn't have a lighter so he asked his friend if he had one.
"I sure do," he replied and reached into his golf bag and pulled out a
12 inch bic lighter. "Wow!" said his friend, "where did you get that
monster." "I got it from my genie." "You have a genie," he asked?
"Yes, he's right here in my golf bag." "Could I see him?"
He opens his golf bag and out pops the genie. The friend says, "I'm a
good friend of your master. Will you grant me one wish?"
"Yes I will," the genie said. So he asks him for a million bucks and
the genie hops back into the golf bag and leaves him standing there
waiting for his million bucks. Suddenly, the sky begins to darken and
the sound of a million ducks flying overhead is heard. The friend
tells his golfing partner, "I asked for a million bucks not ducks!"
He answers, "I forgot to tell you the genie is hard of hearing. Do you
really think I asked him for a 12 inch bic?"
Hard of Hearing
An older couple were on vacation in Nashville, going out to dinner one
night, and the wife was driving. The husband heard a police siren,
looked out the back window & confirmed that the policeman was after
them. Knowing that his wife was very hard of hearing, he yelled to
her, " PULL OVER FOR THE POLICEMAN!" The wife did so, and the cop
came up to the car. She rolled her window down, and the cop said,
"Ma'am, you were going 60 m.p.h. in a 45 m.p.h. zone." The woman
looked at her husband and asked, "What did he say?" The husband yelled
back at her, "HE SAID YOU WERE SPEEDING." Then the policeman said,
"I'm going to need to see your license." The wife looked at her
husband again and asked, "What did he say?" The husband yelled back at
her, "HE SAID HE NEEDS TO SEE YOUR LICENSE!" She handed her license to
the policeman. He took one look at it and muttered under his breath,
"Hmmm, Florida license ... the worst sex of my life happened in
Florida", as he started to write up the ticket. The woman looked at
her husband again and asked, "What did he say?" The husband yelled
back, "HE SAYS HE THINKS HE KNOWS YOU!"
Pronunciation
A man and his wife were driving their Recreational Vehicle cross
country and were nearing a town spelled Kissimee.
They noted the strange spelling and tried to figure how to pronounce
it - KISS-a-me; kis-A-me; kis-a-ME. They grew more perplexed as they
drove into the town. Since they were hungry, they pulled into a place
to get something to eat. At the counter, the man said to the waitress:
"My wife and I can't seem to be able to figure out how to pronounce
this place. Will you tell me where we are and say it very slowly so
that I can understand." The waitress looked at him and said:
"Buuurrrgerrrr Kiiiinnnng."
The Painter
There was a world famous painter who, in the prime of her career,
started losing her eyesight. Fearful that she might lose her life as a
painter, she went to see the best eye surgeon in the world. After
several weeks of delicate surgery and therapy, her eyesight was
restored. The painter was so grateful that she decided to show her
gratitude by repainting the doctor's office. Part of her work included
painting a gigantic eye on one wall. When she had finished her work,
she held a press conference to unveil her latest work of art: the
doctor's office. During the press conference, one reporter noticed the
eye on the wall, and asked the doctor, 'What was your first reaction
upon seeing your newly painted office, especially that large eye on
the wall?' To this, the eye doctor responded, "I said to myself 'Thank
the Lord, I'm not a gynecologist.'"
New York Drivers
A Ft Lauderdale Florida motorcycle cop was on patrol one bright sunny
December afternoon when he came upon a line of cars stopped at a
light with horns blasting. He stopped behind the last car in line. The
light directing that lane of traffic was green so he pulled out of
line and stopped alongside of the first car in line to see what the
problem was. The car was a big brown Caddilac with New York plates
driven by an elderly woman. He motioned her to roll down her window,
which she promptly did. He then asked her why she was stopped when the
light was green. She said, "Oh, because I'm on my way to my sister's
house which is that way." and she pointed to the right. The motorcycle
cop said, "Well go ahead! The light is green." The elderly woman
responded with, "Yes I know, but the sign under the light says RIGHT
TURN ON RED!" |
