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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Paul Corbett who wrote (5016)	3/19/1998 2:55:00 AM
From: bob	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

Q: How do you give a hillbilly a circumcision? A: Kick his sister in the jaw!

To: Paul Corbett who wrote (5016)	3/19/1998 10:56:00 AM
From: Nazbuster	Respond to of 62549

Time for a blonde joke: A blonde lady walks into the store, approaches the owner, and pointing to the display shelf says, "I want to buy that television!" The owner says, "We don't sell to blondes." The lady leaves in a huff! Later she decides to outfox the owner by dyeing her hair brown. Upon returning to the store as a brunette, she again walks up to the owner pointing at the shelf and says, "I want to buy that TV!" The owner again says, "We don't sell to blondes!" Unbelieving, the lady leaves in a huff again. This time she plans to really outfox the owner by dressing as a man. She puts on a man's outfit, a false mustache, and returns to the store. Strolling in as a man, she walks up to the owner and points at the shelf again saying, "I want to buy that TV." The owner says, "We don't sell to blondes. Besides, that's a microwave."

To: Paul Corbett who wrote (5016)	3/20/1998 12:31:00 PM
From: bob	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62549

Glad I'm A Man I'm glad I'm a man, you better believe. I don't live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese I don't bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts I can get where I want to - north, south, east or west I don't get wasted after only 2 beers and when I do drink I don't end up in tears. I won't spend hours deciding what to wear, I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair and I don't go around checking my reflection in everything shiny from every direction. I don't whine in public and make us leave early and when you ask why I don't get all bitter and surly. I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could sing I don't have to sit around waiting for that ring. I don't gossip about friends or stab them in the back I don't carry our differences into the sack. I'll never go psycho and threaten to kill you or think every guy out there's trying to steal you. I'm rational, reasonable, and logical too I know what the time is and I know what to do. And I honestly think its a privilege for me to have these two balls and stand when I pee I live to watch sports and play all sorts of ball It's more fun than dealing with women after all I won't cry if you figure out it's not going to work I won't remain bitter and call you a jerk. Feel free to use me for immediate pleasure I won't assume it's permanent by any measure. Yes, I'm glad I'm a man, a man you see I'm glad I'm not capable of child delivery I don't get all bitchy every 28 days I'm glad that my gender gets me a much bigger raise I'm a man by chance and I'm thankful it's true I'm so glad I'm a man and not a woman like you! I'm Glad I'm A Woman I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am I don't live off of Budweiser, beer nuts and Spam I don't brag to my buddies about my erections I won't drive to Hell before I ask for directions I don't get wasted at parties and act like a clown and I know how to put the damned toilet seat down! I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your butt my belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gut and I don't go around "readjusting" my crotch or yell like Tarzan when my head-board gets a notch I don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behind I'm a woman you see -- I'm just not that kind! I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could sing I don't have body hair like shag carpeting It doesn't grow from my ears or cover my back When I lean over you can't see 3 inches of crack And what's on my head doesn't leave with my comb I'll never buy a toupee to cover my dome Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side I'm a woman, you know -- I've got far too much pride! And I honestly think its a privilege for me to have these two boobs and squat when I pee I don't live to play golf and shoot basketball I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal I won't tell you my wife just does not understand stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band or tell you a story to make you sigh and weep then screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep! Yes, I'm glad I'm a woman, a woman you see you can forget all about that old penis envy I don't long for male bonding, I don't cruise for chicks join the Hair Club For Men, or think with my dick I'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful it's true I'm so glad I'm a woman and not a man like you! Men are like coolers: you can fill them with beer and take them anywhere.

To: Paul Corbett who wrote (5016)	4/20/1998 4:10:00 AM
From: Paul Corbett	Respond to of 62549

Some lawyer jokes. This is my list. Any additions are welcome: What's black and tan and looks good on a lawyer? A Rottweiler. What do you call a lawyer with an I.Q. of 50? Your Honor. How do you know it is cold in New York? Lawyers have their hands in their own pockets. What is the difference between a lawyer and a snake? You can make a wallet out of a snake. What is the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute? Not much. But a prostitute stops screwing you when you are dead. What do you call a hundred lawyers at the bottom of the harbor? A good start. (Sorry this is an old one...I first saw it on the movie "Wars of the Roses") Why don't sharks eat lawyers? Professional Privilege. Why is it better to use lawyers rather than rats in laboratory experiments? 1) there are more of them 2) there are some things that rats won't do 3) some people actually get attached to rats. What do you throw to a drowning lawyer? His associates.