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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: John Messbauer who wrote (5057)	3/22/1998 11:42:00 PM
From: S K	Respond to of 62549

When God created man! God created the donkey and told him "you will work tireless from sun up to sun down, carrying heavy bags on your back, you will eat grass, you will not have intelligence and you will live 50 years. You will be a DONKEY!!!! > >>The donkey answered " I will be a Donkey, but living 50 years is too much, give me only 20 years. "And GOD gave him 20 years".> God created the Dog and told him "you will look after men's houses, you will be his best friend, you will eat what ever they give you and you will live 25 years. You will be Dog!!!! > >>The Dog answered "God living 25 years is too much, give me only 10 years". And God gave him 10 years.> > >>God created Monkey and told him "you will jump from branch to branch, you will do silly things, you will be amusing and you will> live 20 years. You will be a MONKEY!!!!! > >>The Monkey answered "God living 20 years is too much, give me only 10 years". > >>Finally, God created man and told him "You will be man, the only rational being on the earth, you will use your intelligence to control other animals, you will dominate the world and you will live> for 20 years". The man answered "God, I will be a man, but living 20 years is not enough, Why don't you give me 30 years that the Donkey refused, the 15 years that the Dog did not want and the 10 years that the Monkey refused?" > >>That was what God did, and since then, man lives 20 years like a man, then he gets married and spend 30 years like a Donkey, working and carrying the load on his back, then when his children leave, spends 15 years like Dog, looking after the house and eating whatever is given to him, then he gets old, retires, and spend 10 years like a Monkey, jumping from house to house or from children to children, doing silly things to amuse the grand children.

To: John Messbauer who wrote (5057)	3/23/1998 12:27:00 AM
From: bob	Respond to of 62549

A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet. One day the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet, as well. Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It's dark in here, isn't it?" "Yes it is," the man replies. "You wanna buy a baseball?" the little boy asks. "No thanks," the man replies. "I think you do want to buy a baseball," the little extortionist continues. "OK. How much?" the man replies after considering the position he is in. "Twenty-five dollars," the little boy replies. "TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!" the man repeats incredulously, but complies to protect his hidden position. The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway and, again, places her lover in the closet with her little boy. "It's dark in here, isn't it?" the boy starts off. "Yes it is," replies the man. "Wanna buy a baseball glove?" the little boy asks. "OK. How much?" the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage. "Fifty dollars," the boy replies and the transaction is completed. The next weekend, the little boy's father says "Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we'll play some catch." "I can't. I sold them," replies the little boy. "How much did you get for them?" asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy. "Seventy-five dollars," the little boy says. "SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That's thievery! I'm taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness", the father explains as he hauls the child away. At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says "It's dark in here, isn't it?" "Don't you start again," the priest says.

To: John Messbauer who wrote (5057)	3/23/1998 10:26:00 AM
From: bob	Read Replies (3) \| Respond to of 62549

Learn from your parents' mistakes: Use birth control! *********************************************** One dismal rainy night, a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the shadows of an alley halfway down the block. Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped into the cab and slammed the door. Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet, naked woman sitting in the back seat. "Where to?" he stammered. "Union Station," answered the woman. "You got it," he said, taking another long glance in the mirror. The woman caught him staring at her and asked, "Just what the hell are you looking at, driver?" "Well ma'am, I noticed that you're completely naked, and I was just wondering how you'll pay your fare." The woman spread her legs, put her feet up on the front seat, smiled at the driver and said, "Does THIS answer your question?" Still looking in the mirror, the cabbie asked, "Got anything smaller?"