Clinton's picks for the Final Four:
1. Oral Roberts
2. Ball State
3. Moorhead College
4. Bring'em Young
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Bill activities.
The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he said. " An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed. "Looks like the Anderson s have company," he called out, "Matt's riding a new bike and the Coopers are
having sex.
" Mom and Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked.
"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their ten-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood
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A teacher asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.
Mary said, "My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the
animals. It was fascinating." The teacher said, "That was good, but I
wanted the word "'fascinate.'"
Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated." The teacher said, "Good, but I wanted the word 'fascinate.'"
Little Billy raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Billy was noted for is bad
language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word
"fascinate" so she called on him.
Billy said, "My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten 8."
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How does a stupid man know dinner is ready?
The smoke alarm goes off.
How can you tell if a stupid man has cooked dinner?
The salad's burnt.
Why is swapping partners with your friend a big mistake?
Because it's so depressing when you get him
back.
What do you call a man who opens the car door for you?
A chauffeur
What do you call 10 stupid men in a circle?
A dope ring.
MAN: "You're lucky we met. People like me don't grow on trees."
WOMAN: " No, they swing from them."
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A traveling salesman is in a small town in the midwest, when his trip is suddenly prolonged for an extra month. He was already getting bored there and over the course of the extra month he becomes very homesick.
Finally, he decides to give in to temptation and visit the local brothel. He walks up to the madam and hands her a hundred dollars and says, "Give me the worst blowjob in town."
The madam says, "For this kind of money, you can have the best blowjob."
"No, no," says the man, "You don't understand, I'm not horny, I'm homesick."
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"Jane" was becoming frustrated with her husband's insistence that they have sex in the dark. Hoping to free her husband from his inhibitions, during a passionate evening, she flipped on the lamp--only to discover a cucumber in his hand.
Is THIS what you've been using on me for the past 10 years!?!""Honey! Let me explain!"
"Why you sneaky bastard!" she screamed."You impotent SOB!!"
"Speaking of sneaky!" he interrupted, "Maybe you'd care to explain our 2 kids!!!"
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Kevin, a 19 year old college student, is home for summer break. In order
to make a few extra bucks he decides that he is going to apply for a
part time job at the local K-Mart.
Kevin fills out the standard application and is called into the manager's office. The manager is the typical K-Mart employee -- skinny, glasses, pocket protector and K-Mart clothes. Also, he takes a little
too much pride in working at K-Mart. He says, "Kevin, do you think you have what it takes to work at the 'Big K'?"
Kevin laughs to himself, thinking "what an asshole!" But since it was an interview he responded, "Absolutely."
The Manager continued, "In order to work here you need to be a salesman and you need to be in touch with the customer. Do you think you've got those qualities?"
Again, Kevin laughs to himself, "Is this fucking guy serious?" but he says again, "Absolutely."
"Well let me show you how it's done,"says the manager.
The manager leads Kevin to a counter and waits for a customer. The first guy to come along drops a 50 pound bag of grass seed on the counter. The manager says, "That's a pretty big bag of grass seed ya got there." "Yup," responds the customer.
The manager winks at Kevin and says, "Ya think you might need a new lawn
mower for that grass you're putting down?"
Kevin actually sees the lightbulb go off over the customer's head.
"Yeah! That's a great idea." The manager leads him back to the lawn mowers and helps him pick out a really nice model.
"Ya see, Kev, that's how it's done. Ya think you can do that?" "Hell, yeah!" says Kevin, "Just watch."
Kevin steps up to the counter and the next man to come along drops a huge package of tampons onto the counter. Kevin looks at the box and then at the embarrassed customer. "That's a pretty big box of tampons
ya got there," says Kevin. The embarrassed man looks up feebly and says, "Yup."
A moment of silence passes and then Kevin blurts out, "Would you be interested in buying a new lawnmower?"
The customer looks up from his shoes and responds, "What the fuck would I want a lawnmower for?"
Kevin winks at his manager and says, "Well, since you won't be getting laid this weekend I figured you might want to mow your fucking lawn!" |
