To: epicure who wrote (19276 ) 3/27/1998 2:44:00 PM From: Grainne Read Replies (1) | Respond to of 108807
You know, X, you have hit on an essential truth of skillful parenting practices that has somehow eluded me all these years. When I read your post I thought, WOW, why didn't I think of that!! Yes, teach your children to be homosexual, and everything will be better!!! One of those three little girls who was murdered by their heterosexual mother went to school a mile from here. It was really gruesome, as I'm sure you've read--she duct-taped their noses and mouths, one by one (what were the second and third tiny victims feeling--they must have been terrified) and then pushed their heads face-down on the bed until they suffocated to death. Then the mother had a nice cup of cocoa!!! Now I would really, really like to be a grandmother. In fact, it is my only goal in life. It has occurred to me since this latest tragedy that there have been absolutely no child murders around here by lesbian mothers, and we have Heather and her two mommies living on nearly every block in some neighborhoods. So I really think that if I can just convince my dear sweet teenager to be a lesbian too, I stand a greater chance of a little Heather calling me Grannie someday, and surviving her childhood to boot. But you know, when I think about it, it's just not that easy to indoctrinate a child into a homosexual lifestyle. Mine has had several gay teachers, starting with the first grade, and none of it wore off yet. Now, in middle school, the partners of her homosexual drama and physical education teachers visit the school frequently, and help with plays and after-school sports activities, and still I see no hopeful signs of conversion in my daughter. Why, I do not know, because we have taken homosexuals on vacations with our family, celebrated holidays with them, and had them over to dinner since she was a baby. You'd think she'd start getting the picture or something!! It's not that she's not curious--when we were at the grocery store checkout counter and saw the People with a pregnant Jodie Foster on the cover, she even asked, "Mom? Did she do it with a guy, or a turkey baster?" So it's not like she doesn't know on some level how to get pregnant with just a girlfriend, or that women need men like fish need bicycles or anything!!! And when her schoolmates, Smells Like Fish and Make a Wish, were in the the middle of a very hot lesbian love duo, all the children made up sweet, funny poems and songs about them, but none of the other girls paired off, although they certainly could have, since they all spend weekend nights in bed with each other. What's a mother to do? I have tried everything, and have somehow reared a staunch heterosexual right in the middle of Sodom and Gomorrah. You would think all San Francisco children would grow up to be gay, wouldn't you? I mean, there are certainly enough homosexual role models around here. I guess I am going to have to go to the public library and do some research. I know that "Heather Has Two Mommies" is for little girls, but I bet there is a whole shelf of books on how to get your teenager to be Gay and Proud!!!!