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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: John Messbauer who wrote (5201)	4/4/1998 6:52:00 PM
From: LastShadow	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62562

True Story: A couple of years ago, my girlfriend's youngest daughter approached me and said, "I don't know what my mom told you, but I added up my sister's (who was 19 then), brother's (17) and my (8) ages, and I want to tell you she has to be a lot older than 43!"

To: John Messbauer who wrote (5201)	4/5/1998 3:33:00 PM
From: Herb Fuller	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62562

>>>>Having problem in installing Girlfriend 1 program<<< Sorry if this a repeat Desperately seeking technical support. I'm currently running the latest version of Girlfriend and having some problems. I've been running the same version of DrinkingBuddies 1.0 all along as my primary application, and all the Girlfriend releases have always conflicted with it. I hear the Drinking Buddies won't crash if you run Girlfriend in background mode with the sound switched off. But I'm embarrassed to say that I can't find the switch to turn it off. I just run them separately, and it works OK. Girlfriend also seems to have a problem coexisting with my Golf program, often trying to abort my Golf program with some sort of timing in compatibility. I probably should have stayed with Girlfriend 1.0, but I thought I might see better performance with Girlfriend 2.0. After months of conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has had experience with Girlfriend 2.0 He said that I probably didn't have enough cache to run Girlfriend 2.0 and that eventually it would require a Token Ring to run properly. He was right - as soon as I purged my cache,it uninstalled itself. Shortly after that, I installed Girlfriend 3.0 beta. All the bugs were supposed to be gone, but the first time I used it it gave me a virus. I had to clean out my whole system and shut down for a while. I very cautiously upgraded to Girlfriend 4.0. This time I used a SCSI probe first and also installed virus protection. It worked OK for a while until I discovered Girlfriend 1.0 was still in my system! I tried to run Girlfriend 1.0 again with Girlfriend 4.0 still installed, but Girlfriend 4.0 has a feature that I didn't know about that automatically senses the presence of Girlfriend 1.0 and communicates with it in someway, which results in the immediate removal of both versions! The version I have now works pretty well, but there are still some problems. Like all versions of Girlfriend, it is written in some obscure language that I can't understand, much less re-program. Frankly, I think that there is too much attention paid to the look and feel and not enough to the desired functionality. Also, to get the best connections with your hardware, you usually have to use gold plated contacts. And I've never liked how Girlfriend is totally 'object-oriented'. A year ago, a friend of mine upgraded his version of Girlfriend to GirlfriendPlus 1.0, which is a Terminate and Stay Resident version of Girlfriend. He discovered that GirlfriendPlus 1.0 expires within a year if you don't upgrade to Fiancee 1.0. So he did. But soon after that, you have to upgrade to Wife 1.0, which he describes as a 'huge resource hog'. It has taken up all his space, so he can't load > anything else. One of the primary reasons that he upgraded to Wife 1.0 is that it came bundled with FreeSexPlus 1.0. Well it turns out that the resource allocation module of Wife 1.0 sometimes prohibits access to FreeSexPlus, particularly the new Plug and Play items he wanted to try. On top of that, Wife 1.0 must be running on a well warmed- up system before he can do anything. And, although he did not ask for it, Wife 1.0 came with MotherInLaw 1.0 which has an automatic pop-up feature that he can't turn off. I told him to install Mistress 1.0, but he said that he heard that if you try to run it without first uninstalling Wife, that Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.0 won't install anyway due to insufficient resources. Anybody out there able to offer technical support?

To: John Messbauer who wrote (5201)	4/8/1998 1:35:00 AM
From: bob	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62562

An Indian (Native American) walks into the trading post and asks for toilet paper. The clerk asks if he would like no name (generic), Charmin or White Cloud. "White Cloud sounds like good Indian toilet paper," says the Indian. "How much is it?" "$1 a roll," the clerk replies. "That seems pretty expensive," responds the Indians. "What about the others?" "Charmin is $2 a roll and no name is 50 cents a roll." The Indian doesn't have much money, so he opts for the no name. Within a few hours he is back at the trading post. "I have a name for that no name toilet paper," he announces to the clerk. "We shall call it John Wayne." "Why?" asks the confused clerk. "Cause it's rough and it's tough and it don't take no shit offa no Indian."