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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Robert Floyd who wrote (5266)	4/10/1998 11:44:00 AM
From: SJS	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62569

Q: How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? A: Both of them. > Q: What's a man's idea of a romantic evening? A: A candlelit football stadium. > Q: What's the difference between a man and a chimpanzee? A: One is hairy, smelly and is always scratching its ass and the other's a chimpanzee. > Q: Why don't women blink during foreplay? A: They don't have time. > Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg? A: They won't stop to ask directions! > Q: What do electric toy trains and breasts have in common? A: They're usually intended for the children, but it's the husbands who end up playing with them > Q: What do men and sperm have in common? A: They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being. > Q: Why did god make man before woman? A: You need a rough draft before you have a final copy > Q: Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women? A: When it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there. > Q: What do you call a handcuffed man? A: Trustworthy. > Q: What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common? A: Men always miss them. > Q: Why are men like commercials? A: You can't believe a word they say. > Q: Why are men like popcorn? A: They satisfy you, but only for a little while. > Q: Why are men like blenders? A: You need one, but you're not quite sure why. > Q: Why do so many women fake orgasm? > A: Because so many men fake foreplay. > Q: Why are women so bad at mathematics? A: Because men keep telling them that this (make gap with thumb and forefinger) is 9 inches. > Q: What's the difference between a bar and a clitoris? A: Most men have no trouble finding a bar. Q: What's a man's definition of a romantic evening? A: Sex. > Q: What is the only time a man thinks about a candlelight dinner? A: When the power goes off. > Q: What do lesbians and women have in common? > A: They both distrust men. > Q: How can you tell the difference between men's real gifts and their guilt gifts? A: Guilt gifts are nicer. > Q: What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man? A: His wife is good at picking out clothes. > Q: How is a man like the weather? A: Nothing can be done to change either one of them. Q: What is the difference between a man and childbirth? A: One can be terribly painful and sometimes almost unbearable while the other is just having a baby. > Q: What is the difference between a single 40-year-old woman and a single 40-year-old man? A: The 40-year-old woman thinks often of having children and the 40-year-old man thinks often about dating them. Q: Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger. What do men dream of? A: Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins. > Q: What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the second date? A: Slow. > Q: What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? A: They're married. > Q: What do most men think Mutual Orgasm is? > A: An insurance company. > Q: Why don't men often show their true feelings? > A: Because they don't have any. > Q: What do you call a man with 99% of his brain missing? > A: Castrated. > Q: What's the difference between government bonds and men? > A: Bonds mature. > Q: What's the difference between a man and E.T.? > A: E.T. phoned home. > Q: Why are all dumb blonde jokes one-liners? > A: So men can remember them.