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Pastimes : Don't Ask Rambi -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Rambi who wrote (9751)	4/14/1998 6:11:00 PM
From: Janice Shell	Read Replies (3) \| Respond to of 71178

And I do think that once one of the parties is over 18, it becomes rape even if consensual. I know J disagrees with me. But what if he's two months over 18, and she's two months shy? I really don't think this stuff makes sense. People mature at different ages, and many are pretty responsible about it. Friends of mine who have teenage (or older) daughters say that they (the daughters) didn't seem to have any sexual involvements until they felt they were ready. Which was usually at about 17 or 18. Though as I've said before, I know someone who moved in with her boyfriend (with her parents' consent) when she was 15. It lasted for about four years. Her later regret was that is had been like marrying very, very young; she felt she'd missed out on a lot of the fun of adolescence. But it certainly didn't destroy her life. She went on to graduate school, got her Ph.D, had other boyfriends. But let's say some officious state official had chosen to disagree with my friend's parents' judgment that their daughter, at the age of 15, was mature enough to live with her boyfriend. And that these officials had brought suit against the kids, against the parents, whatever. Do you think TAHT'S right?

To: Rambi who wrote (9751)	4/14/1998 6:32:00 PM
From: Gauguin	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 71178

I agree with the age generalizations, but I don't like the term rape applied to any of these, myself, including an adult having sex with a minor. Thirteen I think is the age of consent for marriage in Utah. Might be fourteen now. (Not that there's anything right with that.) An 18+ (male or female) having "consensual" sex with a 13+, while not socially acceptable, is not rape in my eyes. Not even close. I don't know what it should "be", but it isn't rape. And as much as we know 13 year-olds are child-ish or child-like or whatever, they are not children in my book. Idiots and immature, but not children. At thirteen they need to be young adults, getting their stuff together. Accepting responsibility. Knowing what sex and the world of relations entail. Understanding biology. Understanding boy and girlfriends. Knowing their options for success. My friends did. I did. For society or the law to say this acceptance of responsibility has to wait til 18 is pure bullshit. It's way too late, and an excuse to fall upon. I say this aside from the legal issues, whatever I mean by that. Why not raise the age of consent to 30 and require a maturity test? I hope I haven't made a fool of myself or aggravated anyone. I just worry that we can't teach responsibility without...uhm...lost it there....without teaching responsibility. Gotta start young and on their side, open with them. Need to teach them to THINK. Can't hide stuff or pretend nothing will happen, it's a detriment to them, to discussion and planning. A friend of mine's daughter is 13. He's religious, but has been talking to her openly about sex and relationships most of her life. She confides in him; they talk. I have a good feeling about how she's going to handle the next few years. He asks her about how she feels and thinks and she tells him and they talk. She'll even ask me what I think, because I've known her since she was a baby, and she respects us both and our no-bs, no-secrets attitude. Her mother is a little uptight, comparatively. Who's she going to trust for help and advice and facts? Could this dad ask, "Do you feel like you want to have sex with ________(boy?)" You bet. And he won't wait. And he'll help her understand, and think through, and steer herself. Sorry. Enough already. I also know I don't know much about this because I don't have any kids, but I know mine would be informed, comfortable, and paying attention. Or MJ would kill me.