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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Nazbuster who wrote (202)	4/23/1998 4:42:00 PM
From: Calvin Scott	Respond to of 2733

THE MALE STAGES OF LIFE AGE DRINK 17 beer 25 beer 35 vodka 48 double vodka 66 Maalox SEDUCTION LINE 17 My parents are away for the weekend. 25 My girlfriend is away for the weekend. 35 My fiancee is away for the weekend. 48 My wife is away for the weekend. 66 My second wife is dead. FAVORITE SPORT 17 sex 25 sex 35 sex 48 sex 66 napping DRUG 17 pot 25 coke 35 really good coke 48 power 66 coke, a limousine, the company jet DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE 17 "tongue" 25 "breakfast" 35 "She didn't set back my therapy." 48 "I didn't have to meet her kids." 66 "Got home alive." FAVORITE FANTASY 17 getting to third 25 airplane sex 35 menage a trois 48 taking the company public 66 Swiss maid/Nazi love slave HOUSE PET 17 roaches 25 stoned-out college roommate 35 Irish setter 48 children from his first marriage 66 Barbi WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED? 17 25 25 35 35 48 48 66 66 17 IDEAL DATE 17 Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in 25 "Split the check before we go back to my place" 35 "Just come over." 48 "Just come over and cook." 66 sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas.

To: Nazbuster who wrote (202)	4/23/1998 4:44:00 PM
From: Calvin Scott	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

THE FEMALE STAGES OF LIFE AGE DRINK 17 Wine Coolers 25 White wine 35 Red wine 48 Dom Perignon 66 Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES 17 Need to wash my hair 25 Need to wash and condition my hair 35 Need to color my hair 48 Need to have Francois color my hair 66 Need to have Francois color my wig FAVORITE SPORT 17 shopping 25 shopping 35 shopping 48 shopping 66 shopping DRUG 17 shopping 25 shopping 35 shopping 48 shopping 66 shopping DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE 17 "Burger King" 25 "Free meal" 35 "A diamond" 48 "A bigger diamond" 66 "Home Alone" FAVORITE FANTASY 17 tall, dark and handsome 25 tall, dark and handsome with money 35 tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain 48 a man with hair 66 a man HOUSE PET 17 Muffy the cat 25 Unemployed boyfriend and Muffy the Cat 35 Irish setter and Muffy the Cat 48 Children from his first marriage and Muffy the Cat 66 Retired husband dabbles in taxidermy, stuffs Muffy the Cat WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED? 17 17 25 25 35 35 48 48 66 66 IDEAL DATE 17 He offers to pay 25 He pays 35 He cooks breakfast the next morning 48 He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids 66 He can chew breakfast

To: Nazbuster who wrote (202)	4/23/1998 7:45:00 PM
From: Garfield	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

You think those Elements were bad, check out this new Element.. New Element Discovered At UofL President's Office The heaviest element know to science was recently discovered by consultants to the Undergraduate Division of the School of Business Administration, in the Office of the President, UofL. The element, tentatively named ADMINISTRATIUM, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it does have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons and 111 assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together in a nucleus by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons. Since it has no electrons, ADMINISTRATIUM is totally inert. However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes in contact with. According to the consultants/discoverers, a minute amount of ADMINISTRATIUM caused one reaction to take over four days to complete, when it would normally occur in less than one sec- ond. ADMINISTRATIUM has a normal half life of approximately 3 years, at which time it does not actually decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice neutrons and assist- ant vice neutrons exchange places. Some studies have shown that the atomic weight actually increases after each reorganization. Research at other laboratories indicates that ADMINISTRATIUM occurs naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at cer- tain points such as government agencies, large corporations, and with extreme concentrations at universities, and also can actually be found in the newest best maintained buildings. Scientists point out that ADMINISTRATIUM is known to be toxic at any level of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reactions where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how ADMINISTRATIUM can be controlled to prevent irrevers- ible damage but results to date are not promising.

To: Nazbuster who wrote (202)	4/23/1998 8:05:00 PM
From: Vanni Resta	Respond to of 2733

> > >> >Are you feeling old? If not, consider this: > > > >> > > > > >> >The people who are starting college this fall across > > > >> >the nation were born in > > > >> >1980. > > > >> > > > > >> >They have no meaningful recollection of the Reagan era. > > > >> > > > > >> >They were prepubescent when the Persian Gulf War was > > > >> >waged. > > > >> > > > > >> >Black Monday 1987 is as significant to them as the > > > >> >Great Depression. > > > >> > > > > >> >Their world has always included AIDS. > > > >> > > > > >> >Atari predates them, as do vinyl albums and cassette > > > >> >audiotapes; they may have heard of an 8-track, but > > > >> >probably never actually seen(or heard) > > > >> >one. > > > >> > > > > >> >The digital Disc was presented to Wall street when > > > >> >they were 1 year old. > > > >> > > > > >> >>From their earliest years, a camera was something you > > > >> >used once and threw away. > > > >> > > > > >> >As far as they know, stamps have always cost about 32 > > > >> >cents. > > > >> > > > > >> >Few, if any, have lived without an answering machine. > > > >> > > > > >> >Few have used a TV set with only 13 channels. > > > >> > > > > >> >Some use the word "clickers" for "remote control", > > > >> >yet they do not know why they say it. > > > >> > > > > >> >They were born the year that Walkmen were introduced > > > >> >by Sony. > > > >> > > > > >> >The expression "you sound like a broken record" means > > > >> >nothing to them. >