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Politics : Did Slick Boink Monica? -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: jlallen who wrote (14728)	4/26/1998 11:31:00 PM
From: Grainne	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 20981

Jlallen, the fact that you and your siblings all turned out to be successful adults is not itself an endorsement of a particular parenting style. Most children survive their childhoods. I believe that a lot of hugging and kissing and telling your children how much you love them is preferable, and so do most child development experts. And I think it is a mistake, and quite unfair for you to assume, as you seem to be doing in your post, that parents who do these things are not also teaching self-reliance, self-respect and the value of hard work. In fact, children who have been well loved in a demonstrative fashion have a great deal of self-reliance and self-respect when they are adults, because they got what they needed on an emotional level when they were children, and were able to develop properly so that they are truly mature when they reach adulthood. The value of hard work is taught to some degree by example, but also by giving children increasing levels of responsibility as they grow older, and having clear expectations for them. Children get in trouble for a variety of reasons. Children are not really much of a priority in America. Children from single families tend to lack the guidance that fathers provide. Children who grow up in poverty in a very materialistic society are in some real sense broken, and violence only makes the damage worse. I was listening to our local news Friday, about serious teenage drug problems in the really exclusive suburbs around here, and child after child stated their parents didn't have a clue about the easy availability of drugs, or that their own children were using them. The expert who was asked for an opinion suggested that one easy way to start solving the problem was to stop giving their children so much spending money. While most people tend to associate "problem" children with poverty, there are really serious concerns for affluent parents as well. Anyway, there are a lot of problems--overworked, stressed out parents, a culture which is not very supportive, the ever increasing violence in American society, drugs. But children who have been very well loved are less likely to succumb to temptations or negative lifestyles. Most particularly, though, having an openly affectionate and close relationship with one's children has absolutely no connection with not teaching values to your children, or with overly permissive parenting styles.