Take Viagra, and Life Looks Rosy - er, Blue
Bill Reel
SIDE EFFECTS of the virility pill Viagra include headache, indigestion,
facial flushing and a blue tinge to vision, clinical trials have shown.
These irritants apparently don't deter men bent on romance. Viagra
has been on the market for only two weeks, and doctors are writing
prescriptions for it at a rate estimated to approach 40,000 a day. For
the sake of comparison, consider that the popular antidepressant Prozac
commands 70,000 prescriptions a day.
Come to think of it, Prozac could lose customers if men who were
impotent and depressed are made manly and happy by Viagra. Pfizer could
market it as a romance enhancer that, as an added benefit, cures the
blues.
Except, of course, for users who get a blue tinge to their vision.
That side effect may cause misunderstanding and even hurt feelings in
the bedroom.
"Darling, do you like me in my new Victoria's Secret negligee?"
"Dearest, you look exquisite in that little nothing. Blue becomes
you. It's my favorite color lately."
"Blue? Darling, what are you talking about? This negligee isn't
blue, it's pink."
"Dearest, don't be ridiculous. Your negligee is blue, like your hair
and all the rest of you."
As he sees her suffused in blue, she probably won't fail to notice
his Viagra-induced flushed face. "Darling, why are you blushing? Are you
embarrassed about something?"
"No, dearest. As you know, since I'm on Viagra, I no longer have any
reason to be embarrassed."
"But, darling, your face is as pink as a baby's bottom."
"And yours, dearest, is as blue as your eyebrows."
Because Viagra is so new, no one knows how significant its side
effects may prove to be over time. University of California urologist
Stanley Korenman has warned that "some unanticipated side effects may
emerge." He predicts that overly amorous men "will use it to have sex
five times a day. They will take it too frequently and at too high a
dose, and then get into big trouble."
Side effects of headache and indigestion may yield to medication, of
course.
"Darling, did you take your Viagra to make your impotence go away?"
"Of course, dearest. I just swallowed half a dozen Viagra pills."
"And, darling, did you take your Tylenol to make your headache go
away?
"Dearest, I took three Tylenol and, for good measure, a couple of
Bufferin."
"And, darling, did you take your Maalox to make your indigestion go
away?"
"Of course, dearest. In fact, I washed the Maalox down with a double
dose of Mylanta."
"So, darling, you've taken your Viagra, your Tylenol, your Bufferin,
your Maalox and your Mylanta."
"Yes, dearest. And I do hope you're in the mood for love."
"Not tonight, darling. I have a splitting headache."
Pfizer orginally developed Viagra to treat angina, a heart
condition. But after it was shown to relieve impotence, the drug company
marketed it accordingly. Now, ironically, a fellow with a bad ticker
might think twice before taking Viagra, lest he get too rambunctious and
keel over from a massive coronary.
The ideal successor to Viagra would be a pill that cures impotence,
depression, headache, indigestion, flushed face, blue vision and heart
disease. Call it Omnipotence.
Copyright 1998, Newsday Inc.
Take Viagra, and Life Looks Rosy - er, Blue., 04-22-1998, pp A43. |
