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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Barnabus who wrote (5480)	5/4/1998 10:50:00 PM
From: Gary H	Respond to of 62549

TOP 10 REASONS WOMEN DATE JERKS INSTEAD OF NICE GUYS 10. More fun to complain about them to your friends. 9. Guys who actually like you just aren't challenging or exciting. 8. When you do date nice guys, they turn into jerks anyway, so why not save time and go for the jerk in the first place? 7. You won't get as emotionally attached to a jerk, so you'll be more in control. 6. All the other women want them, so they must be worth having. 5. Affection means more when it comes from a guy who doesn't normally give it. 4. Guaranteed to cheat on you so someone else can endure his lack of lovemaking skills most of the time. 3. No need to feel guilty for abusing or deceiving them. 2. Jerks will actually tell you when they don't like what you're doing instead of getting mad about it six months later. and the Number One Reason Women Date Jerks Instead of Nice Guys 1. Looking for someone you can't trust, and won't care about too much, who will abuse you mentally and financially, but you don't know any lawyers. TOP 10 REASONS MEN DATE BIMBOS INSTEAD OF NICE GIRLS 10. Much easier to prove that you're superior. 9. Less likely to interrupt you with thoughts or opinions of their own. 8. Won't want you to cancel your plans to watch nude Jell-O wrestling to go see "Phantom of the Opera". 7. More impressed by the thickness of your wallet--even though it's stuffed with condoms instead of money. 6. Will let you send intimate pictures of them to Beaver Hunt. 5. They won't object to demeaning comments you make about them in front of 'the guys'. 4. They actually believe you when you say, "I love you for your mind and personality -- now shut up and finish putting on that French maid outfit. 3. Don't understand computers well enough to access your files and read what you've been saying about them. 2. Their ability to comprehend spatial relationships is so poor that they really do believe that it's eight inches. and the Number One Reason Men Date Bimbos Instead Of Nice Girls 1. They will put up with you. TOP 10 SIGNS YOU HAVE A BAD AIRLINE PILOT 10. You overhear him say on the intercom "Hey, Pedro, What's this gizmo do?" 9. For the past two hours, you've been going straight up 8. He says, "We're cruising at an altitude of 40 feet" 7. Copilot is sitting on his lap 6. When you take off he yells, "Weeeeeeeeee!" 5. At some point he announces, "Screw Chicago, Let's go find that Mars observer!" 4. He's wearing a Domino's Pizza uniform 3. Over P.A. you hear, "Heh, heh, heh, this plane sucks, heh, heh" 2. As you get on the plane you recognize the pilot as the same guy who drove your cab to the airport and the Number One Sign You Have a Bad Airline Pilot 1. Keeps referring to the control tower as "Mommy" TOP 10 SIGNS YOU HAVE PMS 10. Everyone around you has an attitude problem. 9. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelette. 8. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans. 7. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say. 6. Your using your cellular phone to dial up every bumpersticker that says, "How's my driving? Call 1-800-*-**" 5. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice. 4. You're convinced there's a God and he's male. 3. You're counting down the days until menopause. 2. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy. and the Number One Sign You Have PMS 1. The ibuprofen bottle you bought yesterday is empty. THE "PREDICTED" TOP TEN MOST IRONIC CELEBRITY DEATHS 10. Ellen DeGeneres - Suffocates in the closet 9. Susan Lucci-Trips and breaks her neck while running up steps to accept an Emmy 8. Jenny McCarthy - Struck by a random thought 7. Frank Sinatra - Killed by Strangers in the Night 6. RuPaul - Prostate Cancer 5. O.J. Simpson - Murdered by the "real Killer" in an apparent suicide 4. Madonna - Exposure 3. Unabomber - Mail bomb returned due to "insufficient postage" 2. Al Gore - Dutch Elm Disease and the "Predicted" Number One Most Ironic Celebrity Death 1. Bill Gates - Falls out of a Window

To: Barnabus who wrote (5480)	5/4/1998 10:55:00 PM
From: Gary H	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

A B.C. Ministry of Forests employee was walking to work one afternoon when another MoF employee rode up on a shiny new bicycle. "Where did you get such a nice bike?" asked the first. The cyclist guy replied, "Well, yesterday I was walking along minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want!'". The non-cycling guy nodded approvingly. "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."