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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Jay Rommel who wrote (5490)	5/5/1998 6:26:00 PM
From: SER	Respond to of 62549

A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position. After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to 2 men and a woman, but only one position was available. The day came for the final test to see which person would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances",they explained. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The man got a shocked look on his face and said "You can't be serious! I could never shoot my own wife!" "Well", says the CIA man, "you're definitely not the right man for this job then." So they bring the second man to the same door and hand him a gun."We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances", they explained to the second man. "Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went in the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes, then the door opened. The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes. "I tried to shoot her, I just couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I'm not the right man for the job." "No" the CIA man replied, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home." Now they're down to the woman left to test. Again they lead her to the same door to the same room and hand her the same gun. "We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances, this is your final test. Inside you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him." The woman took the gun and opened the door. Before the door even closed all the way, the CIA heard the gun start firing. One shot after another for 13 shots. Then all hell broke loose in the room. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes, then all went quiet. The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks! I had to beat him to death with the chair!"

To: Jay Rommel who wrote (5490)	5/5/1998 11:34:00 PM
From: Thomas Payne	Respond to of 62549

I'll Try one: The Deeds of our own Presidency Were no match for those of Kaczynski Ted was bent on destruction While Bill only craved suction From the infamous intern Lewinsky

To: Jay Rommel who wrote (5490)	5/6/1998 9:24:00 AM
From: SJS	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

Quiz... _________________________ 1. In the company of feminists, sex should be referred to as: a) Lovemaking b) Screwing c) The pigskin bus pulling into tuna town d) Bonking 2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared: a) Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship b) Your blood-test results c) Five tequila slammers 3. You time your orgasm so that: a) Your partner climaxes first b) You both climax simultaneously c) You don't miss SportsCenter d) only you climax 4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is: a) Healthy, creative love-play b) Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would ever agree to c) Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need ever find out about d) Not the sort of thing both your wife and girlfriend need you for 5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is: a) The best part of the experience b) The second best part of the experience c) $100 extra 6. Your girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in weight in the last month. You tell her that it is: a) No concern of yours b) Not a problem - she can join your gym club c) A conservative estimate d) important to know where the gain occurred 7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is: a) A myth b) An oxymoron c) A moron 8. Foreplay is to sex as: a) Appetizer is to entree b) Priming is to painting c) A queue is to an amusement park ride d) Who cares? All of the above. 9. What are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship? a) "I'm not in right now. Please leave a message after the tone.." 10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate: a) Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy b) Is uptight and a waste of time c) Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place d) Shouldn't have asked to join you in the airplane bathroom