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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Jody Ritchie who wrote (314)	5/8/1998 9:03:00 PM
From: Vanni Resta	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 2733

Hahahahahahahaha! Excellent! As a guy, I have to say, that is spot on. Great post Jody. Keep 'em coming! I heard you. Happy Investing! Vanni

To: Jody Ritchie who wrote (314)	5/13/1998 3:06:00 PM
From: Mr Bond	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 2733

Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Women (And what they really mean) 10. I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in "Deliverance.") 9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (You are one Jurassic geezer.) 8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes upon.) 7. My life is too complicated right now. (I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.) 6. I've got a boyfriend (Who's really my male cat and a half-gallon of Ben and Jerry's). 5. I don't date men where I work. (Hey, bud, I wouldn't even date you if you were in the same solar System, much less the same building.) 4. It's not you, it's me. (It's not me, it's you.) 3. I'm concentrating on my career. (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.) 2. I'm celibate. (I've sworn off only the men like you.) ....And the number 1 rejection line given by women (and what it actually means) 1. Let's be friends. (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with. It's that male perspective thing) In response: Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Men (and what they actually mean...) 10. I think of you as a sister. (You're ugly.) 9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (You're ugly.) 8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You're ugly.) 7. My life is too complicated right now. (You're ugly.) 6. I've got a girlfriend. (You're ugly.) 5. I don't date women where I work. (You're ugly.) 4. It's not you, it's me. (You're ugly.) 3. I'm concentrating on my career. (You're ugly.) 2. I'm celibate. (You're ugly.) ....And the number 1 rejection line given by men (and what it actually means) 1. Let's be friends. (You're sinfully ugly but capable of talking about football.)

To: Jody Ritchie who wrote (314)	7/10/1998 10:07:00 PM
From: Vanni Resta	Respond to of 2733

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. "Mother where do babies come from?" The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, "Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex." The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, "That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy's vagina. That's how you get a baby, honey." The child seems to comprehend. "Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy's penis in your mouth. "What do you get when you do that?" "Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry." TLJ

To: Jody Ritchie who wrote (314)	7/10/1998 10:09:00 PM
From: Vanni Resta	Respond to of 2733

The Ages of Woman: Between the ages of 13 and 18, she is like Africa, virgin and unexplored. Between the ages of 19 and 35, she is like Asia, hot and exotic. Between the ages of 36 and 45, she is like America, fully explored, breathtakingly beautiful, and free with her resources. Between the ages of 46 and 56 she is like Europe, exhausted but, still has points of interest. After 56 she is like Australia; everybody knows it's down there but who gives a damn? The Ages of Man: Between 16 and 26: Tri-weekly. Between 27 and 46: Try weekly Over 47: Try weakly TLJ