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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Tomato who wrote (5581)	5/17/1998 7:49:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62548

There was an elderly lady who had two beloved toy poodles. Both were very old and died within just a few hours of each other. Grief stricken and unable to imagine her life without them, the lady took them to a taxidermist to be preserved. She told the taxidermist that she wanted them to appear as life-like as possible. "No problem, ma'am, would you like them mounted?" "No," she replied wistfully, "side by side will be fine." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scottish shepherd? The Stones say "Hey you! Get off of my Cloud." and The Scottish Shepherd says "Hey McCleod! Get off of my ewe. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A deaf mute walks into pharmacy to buy condoms. He has difficulty communicating with pharmacist, and cannot see condoms on shelf. Frustrated, the deaf-mute finally unzips his pants, places his dick on the counter, and puts down a five dollar bill next to it. The pharmacist unzips his pants, does the same as the deaf mute, and picks up both bills and stuffs them in his pocket. Exasperated, the deaf mute begins to curse the pharmacist wildly in sign language "Look," the pharmacist says "if you can't afford to lose you shouldn't bet." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What part of a woman does a man like looking at best? The top of her head. Which 3rd grader has the best body, the blonde, brunette or redhead? The blonde - she is eighteen. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Little Johnny's 2nd grade teacher was quizzing them on the alphabet. "Johnny," she says, "what comes after 'O'?" Johnny says, "Yeah!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A Polish student was asked to list the 10 Commandments in any order. His answer? "3, 6, 1, 8, 4, 5, 9, 2, 10, 7".