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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Milk who wrote (5586)	5/19/1998 10:40:00 AM
From: SIer formerly known as Joe B.	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mudhole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmers BMW back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking. A few days later, the chicken and the horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get the farmers car. The horse said "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched out over the width of the hole and said, "Grab my 'thingy' and pull yourself up." And the chicken did, and pulled himself to safety. The moral of the story is: If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks. 1998 Bumper Stickers -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Jesus is coming, everyone look busy. A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory. Horn broken, watch for finger. My kid had sex with your honor student. If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished. Help wanted telepath: you know where to apply I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got. Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks you're an asshole. I'm just driving this way to piss you off. Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs. Keep honking, I'm reloading. Hang up and drive. Lord save me from your followers. Guns don't kill people, postal workers do. Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit. I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen. Friends don't let Friends drive Naked. If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat? Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies. Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock. Sex on television can't hurt you... unless you fall off. I took an IQ test - the results were negative. (Handicapped parking permit) "Legally Blonde" My Reality Check Bounced! > > Some one liners > > > > * If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? > > * For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain. > > * Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? > > * Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines! > > * I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol > > * I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. > > * Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm > > * Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines > > * Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese > > * I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week > > * I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met > > * I intend to live forever - so far, so good > > * I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy > > * If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough! > > * Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb! > > * Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States > > * Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of. > > * Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have > > * Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion. > > * The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes. > > * When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. > > * Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. > > * If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they. > > * Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder ... > > * 24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... coincidence? > > * If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked > > something. > > * Many people quit looking for work when they find a job. > > * When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded. > > * Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film. > > * If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? > > * Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk? > > * What happens if you get scared half to death twice? > > * Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery. > > * I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. > > * I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. > > * Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark. > > * How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink? > > * Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them. > > * Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor. > > * Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms! > > * OK, so what's the speed of dark? > > * Black holes are where God divided by zero. > > * All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand. > > * I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose. ****************************************************************