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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Vanni Resta who wrote (372)	5/21/1998 2:00:00 PM
From: KM	Read Replies (3) \| Respond to of 2733

Dumb Blonde jokes: > > > >Q:Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her > > > >>> jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months? > > > > >>> A: Because on the box it said 'From 2-4 years'. > > > > >>> > > > >Q: Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory? > > > > >>> A: She was throwing away too many W's. > > > > >>> > > > > Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office? > > > > >>> A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps. > > > > >>> > > > > Q: Did you hear about the blonde skydiver? > > > > >>> A: She missed the Earth. > > > > >>> > > > > Q: What did the blonde get on her college entrance exam? > > > > >>> A: Nail polish. > > > > >>> > > > > Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag? > > > > >>> A: One. > > > > >>> > > > > Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer? > > > > >>> A: She slipped off and fell down the drain. > > > > >>> (????????) > > > > > > > > Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of cheerios? > > > > >>> A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!" > > > > >>> > > > > Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra? > > > > >>> A: Spot. > > > > >>> > > > >Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs? > > > > >>> A: They keep breaking them with the hammers. > > > > >>> > > > >Q: What is it called when one blonde blows in another blonde's ear? > > > > >>> A: Data transfer. > > > > >>> > > > > Q: What did the blonde customer say to the busty waitress after > > > > reading her nametag? > > > > >>> A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. > > > > What did you name the other one?" > > > > >>> > > > > Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH? > > > > >>> A: A blonde driving through a flashing red light. > > > > >>> > > > > Q: Did you hear about the blondes that were found frozen to > > > > death in their car at a drive-in movie theater? > > > > >>> A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter". > > > > >> > > > > > > > >Q: Why won't they hire any blondes as pharmacists? > > > > >>> A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles > > > > in the typewriters. > > > > >>> > > > >Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should > > > > cut it in six or twelve pieces. > > > > >>> A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces." > > > > >>> > > > > > > > > > > > >The Helicopter > > > > >>> > > > >A blonde went to a flight school insisting she wanted to learn to > > > > fly that day. As all the planes were currently in use, > > > > the owner agreed to instruct her on how to pilot the solo > > > >>> helicopter by radio. He took her out, showed her how to start it, > > > >>> gave her the basics, and sent her on her way. > > > > >>> > > > >At 1000 feet, she radioed and said "I love it! The view is so > > > > beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this." > > > > >> > > > > >After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was becoming to > > > > fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was > > > > beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in. A few minutes > > later, > > > > he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away. > > > > He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage. > > > > >>> > > > >When he asked what happened, she said: > > > > >>> "I don't know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, > > > > > > I was starting to get cold. I can barely remember anything > > > > after I turned off the big fan!" (i'm a redhead <ggg>)

To: Vanni Resta who wrote (372)	5/21/1998 2:01:00 PM
From: KM	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

Engineering humor: Is Hell Exothermic or Endothermic This is forwarded from a UO graduate, citing one of Dr. Schlambaugh's final test questions for his final exam of 1997. Dr. Schlambaugh of the U. of Oklahoma Chemical Engineering Dept. is known for asking questions on his finals like: "Why do airplanes fly?" In May 1997, the "Momentum, Heat, and Mass Transfer II" final exam question was: "Is Hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with proof." Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following: "First, we postulate that if souls exist, they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls also must have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it does not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some religions say that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions, and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to Hell. With the birth and death rates what they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change in the volume of Hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of the souls and volume needs to stay constant. [A1] So, if Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. [A2] Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase in souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Theresa Banyan during freshman year, that, "It'll be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and taking into account that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then [A2] cannot be true.....thus, Hell is exothermic." The student, Tim Graham, got the only A.