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Gold/Mining/Energy : JAB International (JABI) -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Jane Hafker who wrote (3738)	5/23/1998 7:56:00 AM
From: virginijus poshkus	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 4571

Jane, I am a male. Vargas is my nick name. OFF TOPIC for the hard working people on the BCMD thread. Lawyers do not need apply. I just got through talking to Darden from the oj prosecuting team and he told me that he became a writer and actor because of all of the puke lawyers in the world. He saved up these jokes for me. Read them and have a nice day and a nice holiday. Q: What do lawyers use for birth control? > A: Their personalities. > > Q: What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer? > A: A tick falls off you when you die. > > Q: Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their > clients? > A: To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the > same service. > > Q: What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in > sand? > A: Not enough sand. > > Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead > lawyer in the road? > A: There are skid marks in front of the dog. > > Q: What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer? > A: A Doberman. > > Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons? > A: If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once > launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up > everything forever. > > Q: What do lawyers and sperm have in common? > A: One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being. > > Q: Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest > stamps? > > A: They had pictures of lawyers on them . . . and people couldn't > figure out which side to spit on. > > Lawyers Creed: A man is innocent until proven broke. > > Q: What is the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull? > A: Lipstick. > > Q: If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why should you never swerve to > hit him? > A: It might be your bicycle. > > Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk > are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a > hundred dollar bill. Who gets it? > A: The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythical creatures. > > > It was so cold last winter . . . (How cold was it?) . . . that I saw > a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets. > > A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the lawyer's > rates. > "$50.00 for three questions", replied the lawyer. > "Isn't that awfully steep?" asked the man. > "Yes," the lawyer replied, "and what was your third question?" > > For years the young attorney had been taking vacations at a country > inn. > The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's > daughter. > Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up > the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with a= n > > infant on her lap! > "Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he > cried. > "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the > baby would have my name!" > "Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition , we > sat up all night talking and talking, and decided it would be better t= o > > have a bastard in the family than a lawyer." > > Q: You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a > lawyer. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do? > A: Shoot the lawyer. Twice >