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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Laurens who wrote (5626)	5/27/1998 9:41:00 AM
From: Filbert	Respond to of 62554

A pheasant was standing in a field chatting to a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of yonder tree," sighed the pheasant, "but I haven't got the energy". "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull, "they're packed with nutrients." The pheasant pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. And so on. Finally, after a fortnight, there the pheasant was, proudly perched at the top of the tree. Where upon he was spotted by a farmer who dashed into the farm house emerged with a shotgun, and shot the pheasant right out of the tree. The Moral of the Story: "Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there." A pheasant was standing in a field chatting to a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of yonder tree," sighed the pheasant, "but I haven't got the energy". "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull, "they're packed with nutrients." The pheasant pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. And so on. Finally, after a fortnight, there the pheasant was, proudly perched at the top of the tree. Where upon he was spotted by a farmer who dashed into the farm house emerged with a shotgun, and shot the pheasant right out of the tree. The Moral of the Story: "Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there."

To: Laurens who wrote (5626)	5/27/1998 9:54:00 AM
From: Filbert	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62554

In the after-world, Jesus and Satan are loudly disputing each other over who is the best computer programmer. The argument is loud enough that God intercedes and orders a contest. Poof! Two fat heavily decked out desktop PC's appear and on the go signal, Jesus and Satan begin pounding the keyboards. Lines of code are streaming across the monitor screens in endless profusion and architectural symmetry. Disk drives begin smoking and Numlock key-lights flash eerily. All at once a bolt of lightning flashes brightly with a loud accompanying BOOM and the power goes out and comes back on. Satan is crushed. He wipes tears from his eyes, stammering, " I wwwwass...just about done," Jesus smiles, clicks on the Windows run icon. The PC logs onto the Heavenly T-3 intra-net connection, downloads 1600 megs of Gregorian chants from a monastery website in northern Spain, plays them in Dolby AC-3 stereo, while on the monitor are 3-D renderings in 2048 by 4096 pixels of the Sistine Chapel ceiling. Satan is devastated. God chuckles, points his finger at Satan and says, "Always remember... Jesus Saves." In the after-world, Jesus and Satan are loudly disputing each other over who is the best computer programmer. The argument is loud enough that God intercedes and orders a contest. Poof! Two fat heavily decked out desktop PC's appear and on the go signal, Jesus and Satan begin pounding the keyboards. Lines of code are streaming across the monitor screens in endless profusion and architectural symmetry. Disk drives begin smoking and Numlock key-lights flash eerily. All at once a bolt of lightning flashes brightly with a loud accompanying BOOM and the power goes out and comes back on. Satan is crushed. He wipes tears from his eyes, stammering, " I wwwwass...just about done," Jesus smiles, clicks on the Windows run icon. The PC logs onto the Heavenly T-3 intra-net connection, downloads 1600 megs of Gregorian chants from a monastery website in northern Spain, plays them in Dolby AC-3 stereo, while on the monitor are 3-D renderings in 2048 by 4096 pixels of the Sistine Chapel ceiling. Satan is devastated. God chuckles, points his finger at Satan and says, "Always remember... Jesus Saves."