Silicon Investor (SI) -- The First Internet Community

STOCKTALK

We've detected that you're using an ad content blocking browser plug-in or feature. Ads provide a critical source of revenue to the continued operation of Silicon Investor. We ask that you disable ad blocking while on Silicon Investor in the best interests of our community. If you are not using an ad blocker but are still receiving this message, make sure your browser's tracking protection is set to the 'standard' level.

Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: george wood who wrote (5654)	5/31/1998 9:00:00 PM
From: george wood	Respond to of 62549

An institution for the mentally ill arranged for its inmates to attend a baseball game. The director spent days training the patients to obey his commands, so there wouldn't be any trouble. The day of the game was bright and sunny and the group arrived just before the first pitch. When it was time for the National Anthem the director yelled, "Up, nuts!" and the inmates immediately rose. When the National Anthem was over the director yelled, "Down, nuts!" and the inmates sat. The game proceeded and the inmates were well-behaved. When the home team made a good play, the director yelled, "Clap, nuts!" and the patients applauded just like normal fans. Things were going so well that the director left his seat to go get a hot dog and a beer. But when he came back, there was a riot going on. The director finally located his assistant and demanded, "What happened?" "Everything was fine," the assistant said, "until some guy came over and yelled, 'Peanuts!'"

To: george wood who wrote (5654)	5/31/1998 9:45:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

A guy was stuck in a traffic jam that hadn't moved for more than half an hour. Looking out his car window he saw a kid on a skateboard weaving his way towards him through the line of stranded vehicles. "Hey son, what's the hold up?" the guy asked. "It's some crazy lawyer," replied the kid, "He's lying in the middle of the road and he's doused himself with gas and is threatening to set fire to himself. We're taking up a collection for him. Would you like to donate mister?" "How much have you got so far?" the guy enquired. "Oh," said the kid, "about thirty boxes of matches and twenty-three lighters." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Once there was a hillbilly boy who, after getting his G.E.D.(high school equivalency diploma), went to work for his father in the family business of Rust-Collecting. One day he met a hillbilly girl and they hit it off and started dating. They enjoyed each other's company, and both liked the same things, like Cow-Tipping and Beater-Car-Smashing. Eventually, they decided to marry. After the ceremony, the boy was really looking forward to the wedding night, and to show how big a deal this marriage was, he took his new bride to an actual,money-paying Motel. When they arrived, his wife went into the bathroom to change, while he was getting ready himself. She came out of the bathroom dressed in her sexiest burlap, and the boy grabbed her and tossed her on the bed. "Be gentle with me," she said,"I'm a virgin." The boy immediately flew into a rage, got dressed, grabbed the girl and threw her into the back of his pickup truck. He screeched to a stop in front of her parents' house, threw her out, and burned rubber outta there. He drove to his Dad's house and told him the whole story through eyes filled with tears. His Dad comforted him and said,"You did the right thing, son---don't feel bad. A VIRGIN??!! Well, if she wasn't good enough for HER family, she sure isn't good enough for OURS!!!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A man went to the Doctor and the doctor told him he had only 24 hours to live. He goes home to tell his wife and after they both had a long cry over it, he asked her if she would have sex with him because he only had 24 hours to live. "Of course Darling" she replied. And so they have sex. Four hours later they are lying in bed and he turns to her again, and says, "you know I only have 20 hours to live, do you think we could do it again?" Again she responds very sympathetically and agrees to have sex. Another 8 hours pass, and she had fallen asleep from exhaustion, he taps her on the shoulder, and asks her again, "You know dear, I only have 12 more hours left, how about again for old times sake?" By this time she is getting a little annoyed, but reluctantly agrees. After they finish she goes back to sleep and 4 hours later, he taps her on the shoulder again and says, "Dear, I hate to keep bothering you but you know I only have 8 hours left before I die, can we do it one more time?" Well, she turns to him with a grimaced look on her face and says, "You know.. you don't have to get up in the morning. I do!!!"