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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: DirkZ who wrote (5754)	6/5/1998 10:29:00 PM
From: emidio	Respond to of 62549

>Interesting Dog Breeds > >Here's what you get when you cross a..... > > Collie + Lhasa Apso > Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport > > Spitz + Chow Chow > Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot > > Maltese + any other breed > Maltese Cross > > Pointer + Setter > Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet > > Kerry Blue Terrier + Skye Terrier > Blue Skye, a dog for visionaries > > Great Pyrenees + Dachshund > Pyradachs, a puzzling breed > > Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel > Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle > > Pekingnese + Lhasa Apso > Peekasso, an abstract dog > > Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever > Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists > > Newfoundland + Basset Hound > Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors > > Terrier + Bulldog > Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes > > Bloodhound + Labrador > Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly > > Malamute + Pointer > Moot Point, owned by...oh, well, it doesn't matter > anyway > > Collie + Malamute > Commute, a dog that travels to work >A nun walks into a liquor store and asks the proprietor for a fifth of >whiskey. He says that it wouldn't be appropriate for him to sell liquor >to a nun. She leans over the counter and whispers conspiratorially, >"It's for Mother Superior's constipation." So he says that he'll sell >her the whiskey on the condition that she keep it in a brown paper bag >and not tell anyone what it is. >An hour later he closes his store and walks back home through the park. >He sees this same nun on a park bench, roaring drunk. He walks over to >the bench and says, "For shame, Sister! I thought that the whiskey was >for Mother Superior's constipation." And the nun replies, "It ish. >When she sheesh me, she'll shit."

To: DirkZ who wrote (5754)	6/6/1998 6:46:00 PM
From: Ken Adams	Respond to of 62549

It seems that Moses and Jesus and a very old man showed up for a golf game this particular day. Moses was up first. He slammed his driver down the fairway and it soared.... but it began to fade off toward the water hazard. Moses stepped forward, held his club straight over his head and the water parted. The ball bounced across the dry lake bed, landing just short of the green. Moses smiled and turned to Jesus, next up. Jesus hit his driver straight down the fairway too. Just at the last moment, it hit a rock in the fairway and bounce out onto the lake. But, the ball just stopped short of going in the water and hovered a few inches above the surface. Jesus took his wedge and walked out onto the water, stroked the ball up just a few feet from the pin. He smiled and turned to the very old man. The old man took his driver, took a few practice swings and promptly shanked the ball clear off the course. It landed on the freeway and bounced a block and a half down the street. An oncoming Mack truck hits the ball, sending it back onto the course. It lands on the caddie shack roof, bounces around, into the gutter and through the downspout out onto the fairway. It bounces across the fairway onto the same water hazard, where it lands on a lilly pad. Immediately a big bull frog pops up and takes the ball in his mouth, and just as suddenly an eagle is soaring overhead and dives in to grab the frog in its claws and flies away. Startled, the frog drops the ball and it lands smack on the green, bounces twice and rolls into the cup for a hole in one! Seeing all this, Moses turns to Jesus and says "...y'know, I really hate playing with your dad!".