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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Jack Colton who wrote (5769)	6/8/1998 7:10:00 AM
From: T.K. Allen	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

IN PRISON you spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell. AT WORK you spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle. IN PRISON you get three meals a day. AT WORK you only get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it. IN PRISON you get time off for good behavior. AT WORK you get rewarded for good behavior with more work. IN PRISON a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you. AT WORK you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself. IN PRISON you can watch TV and play games. AT WORK you get fired for watching TV and playing games. IN PRISON you get your own toilet. AT WORK you have to share. IN PRISON they allow your family and friends to visit. AT WORK you cannot even speak to your family and friends. IN PRISON all expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required. AT WORK you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners. IN PRISON you spend most of your life looking through bars from the inside wanting to get out. AT WORK you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars. IN PRISON there are wardens who are often sadistic. AT WORK they are called managers.

To: Jack Colton who wrote (5769)	6/8/1998 8:57:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Respond to of 62549

A couple met at Myrtle Beach and fell in love. They were discussing how they would continue their relationship after their vacations were over. "It's only fair to warn you Linda." he said. "I'm a golf nut. I live... eat... sleep... and breathe golf." "Well.." Linda said, "since you're being honest, so will I. I'm a hooker." "I see." he said pensively. Then, he smiled and said.... "It's probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball." --------------------------------------------------------------------- An elderly married couple scheduled their annual medical examinations on the same day so they could travel together. After the examination, the doctor then said to the elderly man, "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?" "In fact, I do," said the man. "After I have sex with my wife for the first time, I am usually hot and sweaty. And then, after I have sex with my wife the second time, I am usually cold and chilly." "This is very interesting," replied the doctor. "Let me do some research and get back to you." After examining the elderly lady, the doctor said, "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?" The lady replied that she had no questions nor concerns. The doctor then asked, "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex the first time with you and then cold and chilly after the second time. Do you know why?" "Oh that old buzzard!" she replied. "That's because the first time is usually in July and the second time is usually in December!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Two stupid farmers had this mule that was a very hard worker. The only problem was every time they went to put the mule back in his stall, his ears would brush the top of the entrance and then the old mule would go nuts and kick everything. One day, the farmers decided to cut a opening in the top to prevent this from happening. While they were working, a neighbor stopped by and asked what they were doing, so they explained the problem. The neighbor suggested that they could save a lot of work and time if they simply took a shovel and dug the entrance down a little bit. The farmers thanked their neighbor and he drove off. Then the one farmer said to the other, "Some stupid neighbor we have, it's not his feet that's too long, it's his ears!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A tourist is driving down a country road in Mississippi and spots a sign along the side of the road advertising "Pigs for Sale". He stops his car and asks the farmer how much they cost.. "Well mister, I sell them by the pound." The tourist looks around and does not see a scale. "How do you weigh them?", he asks. "Well, my son takes care of that part of the busi- ness he has a real talent for it!" With this he calls his son over and tells him to weigh out a small piglet. The boy grabs a small piglet by the tail with his teeth, holds him up off the ground and, after dropping him to the ground, shouts out: "42 pounds, Dad!" "Wow! That's really amazing!" the tourist says. Can he weigh the larger pigs too?" The farmer answers: "No, my wife does that. Son, run up to the house and fetch your Ma down here." In a few minutes the boy comes back by himself. His Father asks: "Well, son, where's your Ma?" The boy says: "She'll be down in a few minutes Dad. She was busy weighing the UPS man!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A husband proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use on the average only 1,100 words a day, where as women use 2,200 words a day. She though about this for awhile and then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.He said "What?"