Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. "Do you
and your wife ever get into dog style sex?" asked the one.
"Well... not exactly." his friend replied, "She's more into the trick
dog aspect of it."
"Oh, I see, kinky, huh?"
"Well... not exactly...."
"I sit up and beg and she rolls over and plays dead."
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Some people are sitting in a bar when one guy says, "My name is Larry, and
I am a S N A G."
Another guy says, "What's that ?" Larry says, "That means I am a Single, New
Age Guy."
Another guy says, "My name is Gary, and I am a D I N K."
A girl at the bar asks, "What's that ?" He says, "That means I am a Double
Income, No Kids."
A lady says, "That's nice. My name is Trixie, and I am a W I F E."
Larry says, "A W I F E ? What's a W I F E ?"
She says, "Oh you know, that means, "Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc."
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Sue and Sally meet at their 30th class reunion, and they
haven't seen each other since graduation. They begin to talk
and bring each other up to date. The conversation covers their
husbands, their children, homes, etc and finally gets around to
their sex lives.
Sue says "It's OK. We get it on every week or so but it's no
big adventure, how's yours?"
Sally replies "It's just great, ever since we got into S&M."
Sue is aghast. "Really Sally, I never would have quessed that
you would go for that."
"Oh, sure," says Sally, "He snores while I masturbate."
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In a restaraunt between San Diego and Camp Pendleton, a young boy was
playing in the restroom sink when a sailor came in.
"Wow Mister!" said the boy, "Are you a REAL sailor?"
"Yes I am! Why, would you like to wear my hat?" replied the sailor.
"Neato! Thanks mister!" said the boy, donning the hat and continuing to
play in the sink.
Shortly after the sailor entered a stall, a Marine came in.
"Wow Mister!" said the boy, "Are you a REAL Marine?"
"Yes, I am kid. Why, do you want to suck my dick?" replied the Marine.
"Oh gosh no mister! I'm not a REAL sailor, I'm just wearing the hat!"
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A blonde went to a helicopter flight school insisting she wanted to learn to
fly that day.
As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her on
how to pilot the helicopter solo by radio.
He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics, and
sent her on her way.
After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. "I'm doing great! I love it!
The view is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this."
After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was becoming to fly.
The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry
that she hadn't radioed in.
A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile
away.
He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage. When he asked what happened,
she said: "I don't know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher,
I was starting to get cold. I can't remember anything after I turned off
the big fan."
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A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind.
After a relaxing dinner with his wife, they retire to their twin beds. [?]
However, the man was not yet ready to slumber, and called over to
his wife "My little boopey-boo, I'm lonely."
So the woman gets out of bed and crosses the room to the husband.
On the way, she trips on the carpet and falls on her face.
The husband, with a concerned look on his face says " Oh, did my
little honey-woney fall on her little nosey-wosey?"
The woman just smiles, gets up and enters hubby's bed. The two
have passionate sex, and afterwards the woman rolls out. As she
is returning to her bed, she once again catches her foot on the carpet
and falls flat on her face.
The man looks over his shoulder at his wife lying on the floor and says "Clumsy bitch."
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