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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: ken whited who wrote (6238)	7/22/1998 8:19:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Respond to of 62551

While at the fairgrounds, a woman wanted to take a ride on the ferris wheel before she went home. Her husband waited while she took a spin. The wheel went around and around and suddenly the woman was thrown out. She landed in a heap at her husband's feet. He gasped and bent down. "ARE YOU HURT?" asked the man. "Of course I'm hurt!" the woman yelled. "Three times around and you never waved once!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Two nuns were traveling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light. Suddenly, a diminutive Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and scratches at the windshield! "Quick, quick!!" shouts the first nun, "What shall I do?" "Turn the windshield wipers on, that will get rid of the abomination," shouts the second. She switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and hisses even more loudly! "What shall I do now?" shouts the first nun. "Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water in the Vatican!" says the second. Dracula steams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and hisses again at the nuns. "Now what?" screams the first nun. "Show him your cross!" says the second. So the nun rolls down the window and shouts: "GET OFF MY #$*&@^# HOOD!!"

To: ken whited who wrote (6238)	7/25/1998 7:23:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62551

Bill and Hillary were in bed last night asleep. At 2 am Hillary woke up And needed to go to the bathroom. Hillary was shaking Bill to wake him up to tell him she needed to go the bathroom. Bill asked, "Hillary, why are you waking me up to tell me you needed to go the bathroom?" Hillary said back to him, "Because I wanted you to save my spot." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A salesman was traveling between towns and got a flat tire in the middle of nowhere. Checking the spare, he found that it was flat too. His only option was to flag down a passing motorist and get a ride to the nearest town. The first vehicle to stop was an old man in a pickup truck. He yelled out the window to the salesman, "Need a lift?" "Yes, I do", replied the salesman. "Are you a Democrat or a Republican?", asked the old man. "A Republican,"replied the salesman. "Get screwed", yelled the old man as he sped off. The next to stop rolled down the window and asked the same question, to which the salesman gave the same answer "Republican". The driver gave him the finger and drove off. The salesman thought it over, and decided that maybe he should change his approach, since there appeared to be few Republican in the area. The next car to stop was a red convertible driven by a beautiful blonde. She smiled seductively and asked him if he were a Democrat or Republican, "Democrat!", shouted the salesman. "Hop in", replied the blond. Driving down the road, he can't help but stare at the gorgeous woman in the seat next to him. The wind blowing through her hair, perfect breasts, and a short skirt that continues to ride higher and higher up her thighs. Finally, he yells "STOP THE CAR! STOP THE CAR!" She slams on the brakes and as soon as the car stops, he jumps out. "What's the matter?", she asks. "I can't take it!", he replies. "I've only been a Democrat for five minutes and already I want to screw somebody!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Three guys are debating who has the best memory. First guy says, "I can remember the first day of my First Grade class." Second guy says, "I can remember my first day at Nursery School!" Not to be outdone, the third guy says, "Hell, that's nothing. I can remember going to the senior prom with my father, and coming home with my mother."