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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: dick williams who wrote (6362)	7/31/1998 7:30:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Respond to of 62558

An Australian was walking down a country road in New Zealand, when he happened to glance over the fence and see a farmer going at it with a sheep. The Aussie is quite taken aback by this, so he climbs the fence and walks over to the farmer. He taps him on the shoulder and says, "You know mate, back home, we shear those!" The New Zealander looks frantically around and says, "I'm not bloody Shearing this with no one!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Two gay guys are walking along the beach one day when they discover a lamp washed up on shore. One remarks, "Pick it up and rub it, maybe a genie will appear.". So, the other guy picks it up and rubs it and sure enough, a genie appears Before them. "Wow, can we have 3 wishes?", one of them exclaimed. The genie frowns and says, "I have been in this lamp for 400 years and I am not happy. I will grant you one and only one wish." The two gay guys talk it over and finally they ask, "We can not agree on a wish right now, can we wait and ask for our wish later?". The genie agrees and goes back into the lamp. Two weeks later our gay companions are sitting in the living room watching a late night movie and they hear a lot of commotion outside. They look outside and there in their front yard are 20 Klu Klux Klan members holding torches, burning a cross and stringing up a rope in a tree. One of the guys says, "Oh my god! We've got to do something! Quick, get the lamp and let's make our wish to get us out of this! " The other guy says, "It's too late. I already made a wish." "You did? You never talked to me about it! What did you wish for?," the other guy asked. "I wished that we were both hung like black guys." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution. "Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time." The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea, Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis......fifty times" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd want to have dinner with."

To: dick williams who wrote (6362)	7/31/1998 7:48:00 PM
From: Elmer Flugum	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62558

Anyone say, "If the dress is a mess, you've got to confess?" to the Prez yet? A friend sent that one along today.