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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: fiberman who wrote (6410)	8/6/1998 8:14:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62549

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. When he finally gets himself to the doctor, he says, "How bad is it doc? I'm getting married next week, and my fiancee is still a virgin in every way." The doc said , "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay by next week." So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage, and wired it all together; an impressive work of art. The guy mentions none of this to his girl. They get married, and on the honeymoon night in their hotel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he saw them, believe it or not. She says, "You'll be the first, no one has ever touched these breasts yet." He whips down his pants and says, "Look at this, it's still in the CRATE !" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ The doctor took out his charts and books for adolescents and carefully explained the birds and the bees. The two looked bewilderdly at each other, then at the doctor. The doctor attempted to explain in various ways and terms the ins and outs of human reproduction. The same result. Finally, exasperated, the doctor laid the bride on the examination table, removed all her clothing and had intercourse with her. When he finished, he then turned to the young hillbilly and asked, "Now do you understand?" "Yes, doctor," the hillbilly responded, "but just one question." Slapping his forehead in total disbelief, the doctor squawked, "Yes, what is it now?" "How often do I have to bring her in?" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Mabel and Betty, in a retirement nursing home, have tried every way to attract the attention of Mike and Al. Mabel finally says, "Let's take off our clothes and run in front of them." Betty agrees and they strip off everything and make a mad dash past them. MIKE: "Did you see that? What was Mabel wearing anyway?". AL: "I don't know, but it sure needs ironing!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a Lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into a saloon in the nearest town. "I'm lookin' for the meanest toughest and roughest hooker in the Yukon," he said to the bartender. "We got her" replied the bartender. "She's upstairs in the second room on the right. The miner handed the bartender a gold nugget to pay for the hooker and two beers. He grabbed the bottles, stomped up the stairs, kicked the door open on the second door on the right and yelled, "I'm looking for the meanest roughest and toughest hooker in the Yukon." The woman inside the room looked at the miner and said, "You found her!" Then she stripped naked, bent over and grabbed her ankles. "How do you know I want that position first?" asked the miner. "I don't replied the hooker, "but I thought you might want to open those beers first."

To: fiberman who wrote (6410)	8/8/1998 11:57:00 PM
From: Milk	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

I thought some of you folks with a sick sense of humor might enjoy this new thread: Subject 22307 See a story in the making, (sort of like Alice in Wonderland on steroids) Feel free to contribute; we could sure use some fresh ideas, and who knows, maybe some day we'll publish this thing... LOL Regards, Milk