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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Jay who wrote (6470)	8/14/1998 12:45:00 AM
From: High Grader	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

The Lone Ranger and Tonto where tired after a hot afternoon crossing the desert when they saw a saloon up ahead. They tied up their mounts outside an went in to enjoy a cool beer. In came a fellow who asked, who owned the big white horse outside. "I do!" said the Lone Ranger. "what's the problem?" "Well yer horse is overheating in the sun." was the reply. Still thirsty, the Lone Ranger asked Tonto to take his blanket, flap it and run around Silver to cool him off. He then went back to his beer and a few minutes later was bothered by another local wanting to know who owned the big white horse. "What is the matter now?" asked the Lone Ranger. "Yer left yer injun running!" was the reply.

To: Jay who wrote (6470)	8/14/1998 4:03:00 PM
From: Jay	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

A woman is having an affair with a doctor. Before too long she becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do. Nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest comes into the hospital with a prostate gland infection and the doctor comes up with a bright idea. "I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle." "Do you think it will work ? " she asks the doctor. "It's worth a try," he says. So the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest. After the operation he goes in to the priest and says, "Father, you're not going to believe this." "What ?" asked the priest, "What happened?" "You gave birth to a child ", replied the doctor. "But that's impossible!", said the stunned priest. "I just did the operation," insists the doctor. "It's a miracle ! Here's your baby." Twenty years later the priest decides he must tell his son the truth. One day he sits with the boy and says, "Son, I have something to tell you. This is very difficult and I don't know where to start. Here goes.....I'm not your father." Puzzled the son says, "What do you mean, you're not my father?" The priest replies, "I'm your mother. The archbishop is your father." ******* Just in case you can not stay awake at work... Twenty four best responses if found asleep at your desk 24. "Oh, Man! Come in at 6 in the morning and look what happens!" 23. "This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work!" 22. "You don't discriminate against those with Latient Atrophy Zymosis Yeast syndrome, DO YOU?!?" 21. "Gee, I thought you (the boss) were gone for the day." 20. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen." 19. "Oh, Hi, I was trying to pick up my contact lens without my hands." 18. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to." 17. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper" 16. "I was just meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!" 15. "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!" 14. "I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance" 13. "I'm doing the "Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan" (SLEEP) I learned at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend." 12. "It worked well for Reagan, didn't it?" 11. "This is a highly specific Yoga position to relieve work-relate distress." 10. "Just pacing myself for the all-nighter tonight!" 9. "I was working smarter-not harder." 8. "Auggh! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem." 7. "I'm in the management training program." 6. "The coffee machine is broken...." 5. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot." 4. "Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!" 3. "Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!" 2. "It's okay... I'm still billing the client." And the #1 response if found asleep at your desk: 1. "...and I especially thank you for my excellent boss, Amen!"