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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Aggie who wrote (6525)	8/17/1998 9:52:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62554

What's the difference between a wife and a mistress? Twenty years and fifty pounds. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Moishe has been lying ill for weeks. A few days ago he slipped into a coma, and everyone feared the worst. The family is called. The son from Miami.The daughter from Bridgewater. The aunts. The uncles. All sit waiting for the end. Suddenly a miracle! Moishe opens his eyes. Weakly he motions for his son to approach so he can hear talk to him. Moishe is weak from the illness and so his voice is very faint as he says, "I've been ill?" "Yes, papa," replies the son with tears choking his voice, "very ill." The papa nods and speaks again. "I had a dream. I was nearing death when I suddenly smelled the aroma of your mother's apple strudel. I love that strudel. As wonderful a cook as my Sadie is, that strudel is her masterpiece." He lays back against the pillow weak from the exertion of speaking. "What a wonderful dream, papa. But the smell is real. Mama just took the strudel out of the oven to cool." "A miracle!" cries Moishe as he tries to rise, and weakly falls against the pillows. He turns to his son and says, "I'm still too weak to get up. Go to the kitchen and get for me a piece of Sadie's strudel." The son obediently rises and leaves the room to fulfill his father's request, only to return a few moments later empty handed. He sits again by his father's side. Moishe looks at him and says, "Nu? Where is the strudel?" The son replies, "I'm sorry, papa. Mama says it's for AFTER the funeral!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ It was the silver wedding anniversary of the Castro's. There was the usual re-enactment of the honeymoon that night in their bedroom. "You used to hold my hand, dear," said Mrs. Castro. So Mr. Castro held it. "You used to kiss me," she recalled. So he kissed her ."You used to bite my ear," she reminded him. So he got up from bed. "Where are you going, dear?" she asked. "To get my teeth!" he replied. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A husband and wife were shopping when the wife said, "Darling, its my mothers birthday tomorrow. What shall we buy for her? She would like something electric." The husband replied, "How about a chair?" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Son : Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady. Mom : Well, you have done the right thing. Son : But mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap.