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Politics : Did Slick Boink Monica? -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Zoltan! who wrote (18601)	8/31/1998 2:17:00 AM
From: Mitchell	Respond to of 20981

Timmer wrote: > > > > Here's the speech President Clinton wanted to give: > > > "Members of Congress...people of America....I > > > banged her. I banged her like a cheap gong. > > > Which is not news, folks, because if you > > > think Monica Lewinsky was the only skin flute > > > player in my orchestra, you haven't been paying > > > attention. The only babes in D.C. I haven't > > > tried to do are the First Lady, Reno, Albright, > > > and Shalala, mostly because they're a little older > > > than I like and they have legs that former Houston > > > Oiler Earl Campbell would envy. Which isn't to > > > say I don't appreciate Hillary...I do. If not for > > > the ice-water coursing through her veins, I'd be > > > pumping gas into farm equipment in Hope, Arkansas, > > > and she'd be married to the President. > > > "So, let me set the record straight. I dodged the > > > draft, hid FBI files, smoked dope, flipped > > > Whitewater property, set up a new Korean wing in > > > the White House, fired the travel staff, paid hush > > > money to Hubbell, sold the Lincoln bedroom like an > > > upscale Motel 6, and grabbed every ass that > > > entered the Oval Office. Got it? Good. > > > "Six years ago, there's not a man, woman, or child > > > who didn't know I was as horny as Woody Allen. > > > But, you elected me anyway, which turned out to be > > > a good move on your part. Your other choice was > > > Bush, an aging baseball player and part-time > > > resident of some place called "Kennebunkport" who > > > thought he could bomb his way into the White > > > House. Before him, it was Reagan, who left the > > > office with the same Alzheimer's he came in with. > > > "There was Carter before him who brought you a 17% > > > prime interest rate, smiling the whole time like > > > his lithium drip had just kicked in. Nixon before > > > that coined, but never really understood, the > > > concept of 'plausible deniability,' and got a > > > one-way ticket to San Clemente for his crackerjack > > > style of governing. Johnson was an inbred, > > > power-mad war criminal whose major contribution to > > > American society was Agent Orange. And John > > > Kennedy, who was a little naughty himself, didn't > > > hang around long enough for America to spot that > > > curious atavistic tic for "beaver-wrestling" > > > shared by at least a dozen former residents of the > > > White House. > > > "Which brings me back to my point. Since I have > > > been strumming the banjo here at the White House, > > > government is doing more for less. The budget is > > > balanced for the first time since JFK did a one > > > gun salute to Marilyn, a fact the press didn't > > > seem to care about, evidently. Unemployment is so > > > low today a blind felon can get a job as a night > > > watchman. And the stock market is higher than a > > > D-student on a full gram of dumb-dust, and anyone > > > with a degree from a junior college who can > > > spell 'internet' has enough money to ponder the > > > annual maintenance cost of his boat, instead of > > > where his or her next meal is coming from. > > > "Bottom line: I'm running a country here and I'm > > > doing it with my pecker showing. What I'm asking > > > for is your support, not a date with your daughter > > > .. unless, of course, she's a hotty with thin > > > ankles, and then I'd like to discuss it. In the > > > meantime, think about where you are today and what > > > kind of life you're living before you get too > > > interested in where I'm parking the Presidential > > > limousine. Thank you, good night and God bless > > > America."

To: Zoltan! who wrote (18601)	8/31/1998 2:43:00 AM
From: carl a. mehr	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 20981

Zoltan, I have enjoyed your many posts, so I post this here: Rgds, humble carl ************ DRUDGE REPORT By Matt Drudge Sun Aug 30 20:12:47 1998 SEX ON SUNDAYS Exclusive** After attending Easter Sunday church services with his wife Hillary Clinton, President Bill Clinton reportedly shared some private time with White House intern Monica Lewinsky. "They engaged in sex on Easter Sunday -- in the White House," one well-placed source with direct knowledge of Monica Lewinsky's White House visits reveals to the DRUDGE REPORT. The Sunday episode appears to follow a pattern, the DRUDGE REPORT has learned. "Lewinsky would often visit the president on Sunday before church for a quickie," a second well-place source explains. "The poor child, Monica Lewinsky, would get out bed early on Sunday and taxi over to the White House... Clinton would leave her to go to church." One date in question, Easter Sunday, April 7, 1996. According to case intelligence, President Clinton attended an Easter Sunday church service at Washington's Foundry United Methodist Church that was filled with references to the death of Commerce Secretary Ron Brown and the other 32 Americans killed in a plane crash in Croatia earlier that week. Accompanied by his wife, Hillary, and his daughter, Chelsea, Clinton listened to a series of prayers memorializing the dead. It is not clear if Lewinsky has testified before a grand jury about her alleged Sunday sex visits to the White House, but one source close to the case suspects that Lewinsky eventually disclosed every detail of her relationship with the president to investigators: "White House logs, phone records, e-mails, and the diary Monica kept on her computer [retrieved by investigators] left her trapped... It was clear that she wasn't over there reading scripture." The White House refuses to comment on any DRUDGE REPORT.