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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?


To: Yuri Aminov who wrote (561)9/2/1998 4:53:00 PM
From: diddlysquatz  Read Replies (3) | Respond to of 2733
 
American Sex Laws Currently On The Books

In the quiet town of Connorsville, Wisconsin, it's illegal for a man to shoot off a gun when his female partner
has an orgasm.

It's against the law in Willowdale, Oregon, for a husband to curse during sex.

In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.

No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in
Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.

Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't allowed to take more than three gulps of
beer while lying in bed with you- or holding you in his arms.

Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front
yard of a home after sundown - if they're nude.

In hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, every room is required to have twin beds. The beds must always be
a minimum of two feet apart when a couple rents a room for only one night. And it's illegal to make love on
the floor between the beds!

The owner of every hotel in Hastings, Nebraska, is required to provide each guest with a clean and pressed
night-shirt. No couple, even if they are married, may sleep together in the nude. Nor may they have sex
unless they are wearing one of these clean, white cotton night-shirts.

An ordinance in Newcastle, Wyoming, specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a
store's walk-in-meat freezer!

A state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors should be called master, not mister, when addressed by
their female counterparts.

In Norfolk, Virginia, a woman can't go out without wearing a corset. (There was a civil-service job- for
men only- called a corset inspector.)

However, in Merryville, Missouri, women are prohibited from wearing corsets because "the privilege of
admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body of a young woman should not be denied to the normal,
red-blooded American male." (Let's hear it for Merryville!!)

It's safe to make love while parked in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. Police officers aren't allowed to walk up and
knock on the window. Any suspicious officer who thinks that sex is taking place must drive up from behind,
honk his horn three times and wait approximately two minutes before getting out of his car to investigate.

Another law in Helena, Montana, mandates that a woman can't dance on a table in a saloon or bar unless
she has on at least three pounds, two ounces of clothing.

Lovers in Liberty Corner, New Jersey, should avoid satisfying their lustful urges in a parked car. If the horn
accidentally sounds while they are frolicking behind the wheel, the couple can face a jail term.

In Carlsbad, New Mexico, it's legal for couples to have sex in a parked vehicle during their lunch break
from work, as long as the car or van has drawn curtains to stop strangers from peeking in.

A Florida sex law: If you're a single, divorced, or widowed woman, you can't parachute on Sunday
afternoons.

Women aren't allowed to wear patent-leather shoes in Cleveland, Ohio- a man might see the reflection of
something "he oughtn't!"

No woman may have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance within the boundaries of Tremonton,
Utah. If caught, the woman can be charged with a sexual misdemeanour and "her name is to be published
in the local newspaper." The man isn't charged nor is his name revealed.



To: Yuri Aminov who wrote (561)9/14/1998 8:22:00 PM
From: treetopflier  Respond to of 2733
 
Remember when... (a.k.a. ramblings of a Luddite)

A computer was something on tv from a science fiction show
A window was something you hated to clean....
And ram was the cousin of a goat.....

Meg was the name of my girlfriend
And gig was something you did on stage for money
Now they all mean different things
And that really mega bytes

An application was for employment
A program was a tv show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano

Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3 1/2' floppy
You hoped nobody found out

Compress was something you did to the garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for a while

Log on was adding wood to the fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode

Cut you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu

I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens, they wish they were dead